Comments of chapter undefined of Apocalypse Cheater

Dude this is too much description. I understand she is important to him but a whole chapter about it is too much.

Weird way to introduce a character. I suggest the usual standard of light description of appearance followed with a slight remorse/rememberance and then slowly trickling in higher(world building) information. Its less impactful in writing when you tell(say that shes important) instead of show(show that she is important) so id suggest a more round about way of describing her importance as well as having nuance/background or keeping information vague. But if u prefer a simple novel then this is okay as well

too much repetition.

so much drama from his past life .kinda annoying

Jesus, first she just approaches him randomly, and it is random since you haven't mentioned anyway for "players to identify each other, which can not be justified with a simple "suspension of disbelief" and then you waste the entire rest of the chapter with more useless exposition that could have been summed up in a single paragraph. If this is the "rewrite" I dread the quality of the original since this one is already basically garbage.

thanks for the chapter

h m

Thanks for the chapter