Comments of chapter undefined of Unrivaled Under The Heaven
Unrivaled Under The Heaven
flamezdoa
Chapter comments30
EIo_PoliceLv14EIo_Police
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flamezdoa
Shadow_MongrelLv13Shadow_Mongrel
it's OK. this chapter could be split into 2 chapters with more detail and more about the confrontation. then chapter 2 could be more on the family interaction. it just felt rushed. the story needs a little slower pace and more detail to flesh it out into a world, instead of feeling like a weak pre-story flashback. I hope this criticism doesn't sound too harsh.
