Comments of chapter undefined of HP: I Have "Pure" Magic
HP: I Have "Pure" Magic
Snollygoster
Chapter comments30
no i like where this is going i see no massive mistakes maybe showing some bro moments slice of life to show he's a person with harry let him make a mistake here and there to show his less of a gary sue like a plan failing halfway through but he manages to make little fallback through wit or moment where Villians catch him off guard and he has to wing it but again NEVER CHANGE YOUR STORY FOR SOME READERS MAKE YOUR OWN STORY but do look at constructive criticism with an open mind BUT DON"T MAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S STORY
Perhaps just a come over instead of a full blown re-write. The story is pretty good, but there are a few things that will come to bite you later. one is what just happened in this chapter. Was it ever explained that he was using an aging potion or something similar to meet with Ted on the regular, or is he just a pre-teen billionaire with a friend in his late 20's to mid 30's? ...being introduced to a woman 7-8 years older? Which leads to another thing. They (Mc and Harry Potter) are literally too young to do anything that they have been doing. would you sell potions to children obviously too young to even be in Hogwarts? How about making a withdrawal from a goblin bank without a guardian? Not very likely even in the Wizarding world. You also made Harry potter a dependent goon side character. you ron weaslyed him. Making friends with a 6 year old Harry was fine. Stopping his bullies was also fine. Telling him about magic so early was probably fine too. What broke it was every thing they did after. There is a reason Harry only has access to a trust in the movies (dont know if that's cannon, but you would expect a main vault to have more than just gold in it right?). He. Is. Too. Young. to do literally any of what you wrote. Both are too young. Spend some time on the friendship building untill they are 10ish, then go to Diagon alley and access his trust fund. Also, learning the entire hogwarts curriculum before going to school is not really feasible in any fanfic... unless you can read like 4 books at the same time... 7 years of learning condensed into 4-5 years? Death from exhaustion is the most probable outcome. Dont be in a rush to make the Mc smarter. 2-3 years ahead is plenty. I know this is kinda scattered, but I didn't plan this out and just kinda wrote what I was thinking. The main thing was the "too young to do anything" bit... and don't make Harry a dependent wuss. Friends yeah, but not a ron weasly.
No. Just focus on the future chapters. While not the best start, it was good enough. Rewriting never succeeds because author usually drops the book soon after. (seen it happen many times, so I usually end up dropping the book if that happens) People will ALWAYS complain. Better get used to it, if you want to keep writing.
To be honest, the personality of the protagonist at the beginning seemed really bad, not one at least that I would like to read for the protagonist and maybe that's why they leave ... I hesitate a lot to continue and not get him out of the library, maybe redesigning the personality of the main character in the first chapters is better, but it will ultimately be his own decision, after all, despite the inconveniences he had at the beginning from my personality point of view and stuff. .. So far it's going very, very well and I'm looking forward to another episode ...
I want to see him build his family into a noble family and actually dive into the family forces and contracted animal guardian's like the wizard King ff in the HP books they only give this stuff a brief mention of them being wiped in wars but thats the stuff that makes a noble family a noble family also you can make his magic sense a bloodline ability through rituals and maybe let him see magic and better control. THEIR IS SO MUCH YOU COULD DO then the normal hp ff that only does hogwarts im getting tired of it tbh
