lon_okami
First novel? Then you seem to be talented. Flow of the story, and how the characters and scenes were depicted is really good in my opinion. And I didn't see any grave writing mistakes. Also, the main character gives of an interesting vibe thanks to your words. So, it's a pity that I'm not really interested in the story itself so far. But I'll keep reading for now and see how it evolves. Anyway, good work and keep writing.