Comments of chapter undefined of System Break

Why's the novel written in the first person place?, its makes it sound more like a narrative than a novel. Just my thought.

Avoid very long sentences for less grammatical errors... Eg is the quote in the last paragraph... 'opponent is, quite frankly, you amaze'. if you drop quite frankly the sentence should still make sense... Running the text through microsoft word for a grammar check should catch these things

QI world seems kind of on the nose.... Mc: I was transfered to a xianxia world with Qi and everything! Everyone: What was it called? Mc: Qi world! Everyone:.......

wow didn't expect that you will be here, when I was reading synopsis I was also getting hardcore qi feelings, good to see you haven't stopped writing

Amazing start so far.

noice

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Pretty cool!

experience

thanks

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Join the army to go play basketball ??? In Kansas? Really need to do some research

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Sorry dropped it , dont like the word play to much i cant get into the charAter i wish yoU success

Loved Daedalus, hope this is at least half as Good

Thanks

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