alienfrommars
Please don't take my comments the wrong way! I hope I provided some constructive criticisms. I had more but didn't want to muddy up your work with too many comments. A few more notes: The tense flip flops and makes it a little confusing. There are a few grammar mistakes and an overuse of commas. I wouldn't mind working with you! We could polish it together and I could help you figure out what's missing (hopefully!). Let me know <3