Comments of chapter undefined of Mason Aves: The Wizard [DROPPED]
Mason Aves: The Wizard [DROPPED]
HelloDarkness07
Chapter comments72
Because the potion will cause them to assume the form of the one who's hair is used. Darla would be completely against it being any other male making the MC the only real choice. Not sure about same s/e/x couples but using a friend isn't all that uncommon for a donor and before the science did it, it was likely done often when adoption wasn't an option. I even remember having to read a novel where such an event took place for an English Literature class. That said the girl was something like a servant or lower class citizen while the guy was an old general or something but his wife was either too old or barren I can't remember which. I do remember the wife was there during it holding her to make it as unpleasant as possible. I forget what it was called but it was in some sort of dystopian setting. Though as a sign of the times and my corruption, now it just sounds like a h/e/n/t/a/i plot (the whole setting and idea, not so much the novel I read in my English class).
well sorry for all the hate man you are a great writer these stories are fantastic truly some of the best I've read I always get excited when I sign on and it says a story has been updated I immediately look for your stories and get a little sad when I see it's not them so keep up the GREAT WORK I look forward to reading all you have to say.
I hope his children will have unique ability and not just telekinesis and telepathy but like somthing complitly new and you can even write from their perspective, have them be like a 'New' Main Charecter and you can name it "NELSON: Manso next Generation" All jokes aside I think this would help further the story becose MC is currently in a spot where he either completely crushes his foes (normal earth stuff) or gets completely crushed by them (Cosmic Entity) and those who rival him (Odin Thanos apocalypse) are really end-game (see what I did there) and rarely go to seek trouble. So you can have Manso fight those overpowered ones while his child fights the 'normal' ones BTW I can be regarded as somewhat of a regular follower and I hope you get that I really enjoy your book and therefor not just say 'thanks for the chapter' or 'it was a good chapter' but try to criticicis and suggest as much as possible becose I always think that if I were a author I wouldnt want empty praise but help to better my story and a reality check when my story starts getting bad So just know I like your fanfictions and appreciate them even if I don't explicitly Stat this
It took me a while to work up the resolve to put this comment. The fact I've had depression for 15 years makes it that I do understand how hard and bad it can be. Still though, I feel the need to question some of the latter portions of this chapter. I understand how these scenes came about. The current time frame makes it that no-one would allow a same s/e/x couple to adopt. The problem I have is with the solution. It sounds good at first but if you think a little more then problems start to appear. From the way you phrased it, Ana is the one who would become a mother, and Ana is the one who is Bi. This creates some risk for the relationships. Though to be fair it would still be risky even if she wasn't, some relationships are about love, others just scratch that itch that becomes a need. The 4 of them were inseparable during their school years and they do 'love' each other, in one form or another. The potion will make it so by DNA he is a minor contributor but it will be his 'form' that is assumed during s/e/x. I know this isn't a h/e/n/t/a/i where having s/e/x makes you a slave to your partner but the pleasure and chemicals the body creates during it could be enough to reasonably shift or influence Ana's feelings, from love to a friend to one of a l/o/v/e/r. I'm not saying it will make her love him, but l/u/s/t is a reasonable outcome and maybe and unavoidable one. Now would it be just a one-time thing, would they work it so it is 100% going to get her pregnant or would it need to be repeated until it succeeds? Even if it is a 'sure thing' if they want another kid, do they do the same again? Depending on how it works it can become a very poor choice for a solution. Would it not be better to use the potion to make them look like a 'normal' couple to adopt. That or just use magic or telepathy to force it through since once the paperwork is done they can do as they like afterwards. I am assuming they were going to the 'muggle' world to adopt I can't imagine there being a lot of orphanages in wizarding Britain. They used their psychic powers to over-take a secret agency and to mind control the King when he was being a pain, so I really don't see why using it to help now hasn't been considered. Well regardless, from the way the chapter ended, I feel it doesn't need to be changed as Darla hasn't given her response yet. So it can be worked around in the next chapter or clear up some of the potential issues to make it a more acceptable solution. The novel is great and I do hope your depression never reaches a level where you can't write or communicate with your readers. This comment is because it felt to me as you were setting yourself up a fall with all the potential issues and negative feedback that could come from this chapters plots. Maybe you already had considered these issues and already had solutions planned but if not, then now is the time to think about them and how to handle them.
ignore the fools who only know how to complain until they post a better story they have no right to crit you . ignore them you are doing great always room for improvement but that's the same for everything we do i think your doing great keep up the good work you will only get better as you go on. that said loving the story so far
