Comments of chapter undefined of The Red Pill

This is too long for a prologue. Just make it your first chapter. You also need to be sure to stay in 3rd person limited. You kinda danced between 1st person and 3rd person. And you need to explain why she tried to kill herself and her mom didn't care, or just dump the suicide attempt. Leaving something like that unanswered will jerk your reader out of the scene. Remember if she really IS suicidal she'd be in a mental hospital.

hey