Comments of chapter undefined of The Epic Adventures of Maou and Shelly

Usages of words are authentic compared from, you know, other novels. I like it. It has a lot of dialogues, but I think most of them are not forcefully written. Good job!

Interesting chapter

Great chapters so far, because they feel realistic, down to earth, without to much intervention from Lady Luck. I like that MC isn't a blockhead or a genius. You can also add more spice that suddenly Ken is dating Tim behind everyone's back 🤣

I sense a lot of flags raised.

I like it so far! A little crew and an MC with a goal!

I lIke that you have a clear and solid path for your beginning, the characters are well described as well. My one criqtique is, watch how much you use words in one block, idea Or scene. A good example is the word “children” The scene seemed a bit crowded and redundant because althoug the reader was already very aware of who they were, it was as though you thought you were having trouble driving the point home. That made the scene redundant and threw off your flow.

I see lots of obvious plot being stretch purposely and lots of flag raised... Yet it feel......

I love the way the story opens !!! Its nice.

Good First Chapter.