Comments of chapter undefined of The Great Demon System

Loved the chapter, I'm thinking the pain in his head has to do about his distorted personality and killing Natalia after making her into one of his family. Maybe an extreme care toward his 'family' in a sense cause of how he lost his parents?

Great chapter! Glad to see that cliche has been averted. I have a strong feeling that the Angels blessing gave Moby a conscious and that is making feel guitly over the fact that his torture resulted in Natalias father committing suicide and it is conflicted with his demon nature.

I don't know why Moby is feeling bad about Natalie. Is he forgetting she was a sociopath that killed one person and tried to kill another (only for Moby to beat her to the punch) not to mention how she tormented his gf. The only thing I can think is that it has to do with Natalie technically being part of his family before she died. Maybe family members dying has an effect on Moby

Slap the left and right cheeks of the 16 yr old bratt and complete the chubby look by making him have a pig face. or him and Moby have a duel and he just shuts everyone up

That was a good twist

mission failed well get them next time

See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon

nice chapter

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See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon

love the read so far. please keep up the fantastic work .i look forward to the next chapter .

bruh i noticed that shade xD hahaha nice job author

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Yes okay that changes everything and is not what i imagine sorry That i was a little Mad i thought One of my favourite novels turn into One of these cliche novels i just hope that moby is not dumb and fight this fatty a rank guy

i am very happy with this chapter and it allowed us to see what life is like for the parents and give us slight details on Alex and Jayden's past

Another couple of critiques since I read this far; A question is a question . Stop using an exclamation mark instead . Also you use way too many exclamation marks where a simple full stop would suffice.And one last thing , the dialog needs work . Its just unnatural . Nobody talks like some sentences in here . I suggest to envision like you are speaking to someone rather making grammaticaly correct sentenses.

Good!

Enter: enemy fa1 b0i Choose option? Attack Small attack Big attack Violent attack Painful attack (Not available) Mercy (Not available) Retreat

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