Comments of chapter undefined of Imperfect Desires

I agree on your perspective regarding comparing your children to others. It might seem encounragement on your part or just a casual remark but the impact it has on children is quite the opposite. Like what Xiao Li said was correct. When the parents started to compare them to others, the kids will feel they are not good enough and started doubting themselves. They would feel insecure and that’s the start of an unhealthy development. Parents should stop comparing as a form of encouragement for their children to do better. This can also be one of the reasons why people are competitive (ofc, in a bad way). This is probably the reason why Qiu Meihui kept on targeting Ying and wanted to win her in every possible way. Winning makes her feel “better” thinking she’s superior to Ying or simply put “good enough”

Yeah, being compared with other people would affect your self-development. How far or deep it would affect each person and that person's reaction toward that traits are what made the outcome differs one another between them. I used to being compared with my twin sister, physically or other things like our intelligence, our behaviour etc. It indeed affected me in some ways, but thanks God I can never hate her and I didn't turn into a scheming b*tch like in those novels. Hehee... 😜 For Meihui's case, maybe her trigger was so strong, her coping turns it into a 'distress' one, and the people around her didn't realize that she needed some help in certain aspect. So, it's worsening more and more until like this. 😓

This was actually a personal topic for me too. My mother always liked to compare my siblings and I to everyone else whether it was our cousins or friends. My brothers were always really mature and thick-skinned, so they would just ignore it, but it was different for me. I was an introverted person as it was, so it made me always strive to be better. I was never the jealous type or evil type though. Instead of being vicious against others, I merely receded into myself. I suffered from depression without even knowing it, and what was worse was that nobody knew about it either because I was so good at hiding it. People used to tell me that I was very easy to talk to and looked friendly because I was always smiling. It took a lot of growing up and going through Psychology in college to get me to open up. I can genuinely say that I’m happy and I’m content with my life. I’m sorry if this is TMI, but I felt like sharing it because I like to let people know that they’re not alone. There’s someone willing to listen as long as you’re willing to talk. 😊

If Meihui’s parents had done things differently maybe she might not have been as bad, but she might still have acted as a jealous princess regardless espesh if other things didnt change like eg. friends. Like her and Liu Nuan both looked at ppl like Xiu who was an ‘orphan’ and thought of her as lowborn. Maybe instead of her mother comparing her to Ying, maybe she could have ended up doing it herself espesh since Ying was close to Xiaoli. Theres lots of maybes and what-ifs, but I feel like she would have always narurally been a pretty self-centred person but other things just amplified this.

in MeiHui's case, yes her parents have a part on what she became but then again it depends on the character...the way she treated XiaoLi knowing he loves her so much (but still did that to him) proved that her character itself is hideous and very egoistic..always thinking that she's the victim and it's everyone's fault

I will say a little more. Children are very susceptible. Someone will not pay attention, but someone will break it. A carelessly spoken word can forever remain in a child's head. Too many people need to go to psychologists to solve their childhood problems.

Also I might be wrong but I feel like Xiaoli knows Xiu is Chen Xiu and knows something more we dont know yet. I still think he was the one who overheard and Bohai just managed to put things together especially after being with Jackie and learning and talking more about Xiu that way since both their faves were their Sister Xiu’s. Who knows haha

I agree that comparisons can cause huge damage to a child, I’ve seen it happen in real life. But I want to say that QM is not completely blameless, other people have found themselves in similar situation and rather than become vindictive towards the person they were compared to, they chose to grow to become stronger on their own and accept themselves for who they are. Perhaps if she had better supports or friends than someone like LH, she would have her own inner strength to accept who she is. I don’t know if it’s late for her or if she is open to change, but receiving therapeutic help might help her relearn some of the unhealthy beliefs she has developed about herself and others.

Whatever u said was right... MeeHee🤗🤗🤗🤗 I really hate comparison coz every person has one thing he/she x better than someone vice versa🤗 So we shouldn't do comparison amongst children but rather encouraging n motivating them on the things they're not good at to become better or best💋💋

i've there before.. and let me tell you the feeling was horrible and i keep questioning anout my competence till today.. i always feel like everyone just better then me in everyway..

So right dear Author. Our parents did that with the misguided thinking that they were making you see someone better and so you could aspire to be better. It always had the opposite and undesired effect. May God help us become better parents...

yaa i can feel you dear Author it always feel bad whenever parents compare their child to someone i go through that lot and it really makes you feel like a looser and good for nothing

I agree with author's thought. the habit of comparing between kids is a toxic one. may be parents do it thinking it will make their children motivated ,driven, serious in life. but I think it only creates resentment and jealousy. nothing good comes out of it.

I agree author San through my personal experience...when you have a sibling that's excelled on almost everything while you yourself is just so so then parents that's always comparing or saying that why not be like your brother or sister it's suffocating to the point that it's lowering your self esteem and feel like it's better to be alone

Dear Author I personally feel that comparison is bad but not competiting. Parent's should make environment for healthy and friendly competition that's will be best. Thanku for such deep message🙂

Poor xiao li🥺💔 i hope Xiu will be fine

TRue...Comparisons does make a person very bad...

i think i need to thank almighty for giving me wonderful parents who never ask for anything

You are not alone in this mee-hee. Everyone goes through this & is going through this. Like you said this does hurts. Very much. They thinks they are saying this because they cares for us. They thinks that this way we will feel competitive & work harder. On some this does work but the remaining ones it creates a hole in their psychological mind which is unrepairable. How easy it is to say that see how good they are try to be one ignoring all the other facts. Do your child want it? Can he/she do it? Some child even does take it positively & works harder to achieve what their parents want but they don't abled to what their parents do? They just ignores all the effort he/she had put but sees why he/she didn't able to achieve it. I seriously wonders what they would have done if they were in our place? If you argue with them or tell them what you think they just scoffs. They tells that we are being insensitive, we are over reacting. They have done so much for us but we are doing nothing. They tells us how they used to study so hard in their times & makes us shut up. I can't even begin to describe how it feels when they ignores our feelings. It hurts. It indescribable. If they can't understand our point of view then fine. But don't say that we are faking it or over reacting on it. That's what hurts the most. Despite all of this I just can't stop loving them. After all at the end of the day they are my parents and they indeed wants my good. I do hate them for this but my love for them surpasses everything even my hatred. To not lose to my hatred what I do is simply ignores their remarks where they compares myself & try to go in my own pace. That's it. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OTHER READERS OUT THERE. MAY YOU ABLE TO ACHIEVE ALL YOUR WISHES IN THIS UPCOMING YEAR. 😘😘😘😘😘