Comments of chapter undefined of The Marvelous Superman
The Marvelous Superman
Passerby_Venne
Chapter comments11
Author, why? Why so much comic relief? This keeps taking away my immersion in your story, which is already weak, almost non-existent, because you rush everything and don't delve deeper into the characters, just to make some moments that you think are cool. PS: don't take this as a personal attack, but your humor doesn't please me, I can't find it funny. Also avoid using both parents as comic relief in an upcoming novel, it's distracting if it's not a comedy-centric story.
You're a good guy, you didn't disappoint me, the problem is that you didn't say that you weren't supposed to take the story seriously. My comments are just criticisms to help you improve if you want, I know it was your first novel. Even if comedy was one of the goals, if it is not a story completely focused on comedy, then it should be tempered in due course. One last tip, when writing an intelligent or methodical character, always question their attitudes, questioning is one of the main characteristics of this type of person, when questioning their attitudes it will be more difficult to write your thoughts fluidly, but it will give depth and credibility to the story.
Passerby_Venne:Thanks for your comment, but this was intended as a comedy first and foremost. The story doesn't get very dark nor very serious, it's mostly comedy but it has its action and adventure moments as well. if you want a mainly action story, then my Naruto one is the right one for you. if you want a drama story, then my Lion King story is for you. sorry to disappoint you.
