Comments of chapter undefined of Draga of the Vanguard

So, some advice: -Try to flesh out the conversations, even in the first chapter I get the cardboard cutout slide show feel from this. -Get rid of the lines, they act as section breaks. In a story that's supposed to flow smoothly till the end of the chapter, it makes it short and choppier. Try using transitions, for example describe them riding, even so far as to make a conversation while they travel.