Comments of chapter undefined of Love System: Changing Destinies
Love System: Changing Destinies
dreamingjuliet
Chapter comments22
Syntax check: 1. The chamber went silence with the sweet call from the pale ger. -> The chamber was silent (subject-verb agreement) 2. "All of you were dismissed." -> all of you are (When all is used with a singular noun, with or without of, it means entire and takes a singular verb) 3. He was taken by surprise, hearing himself asking with worries. He doesn't know why but from the moment those bright blue eyes meet him, he feels a tug in his heart. --> [This needs revision of verb tenses, since it speaks of a time event that has passed] -> He was taken by surprise, hearing himself asking with worry. He doesn't know why but from the moment those bright blue eyes met his (eyes), he felt a tug in his heart. 4. "Forgive me, Your Highness. It seems like your Consort have been poison." -> poisoned (same reason as above) 5. How dare they harmed what's belong to him? --> harm 6. Can you found out what are they talking about?" --> change found to find (current action is in the present) 7. But... according to my analysis, right now, he was completed enrage and worried about you. --> completely enraged (verb is enraged and this is what has to be in the past tense) 8. "Oh yeah, does the Prince meet with Jia Ru yet?" -> has the Prince met Jia Ru yet? (future action so correct verb is has and not do) 9. I thought you say I have 90 days to make him fall in love with me?" --> said (this sentence refers to past action on System's part)
I think that this Mc is pretty pathetic. If he couldn’t even be a winner in his ‘real life’ then what makes him think that he could win in this second chance? Realistically his bad habits would carry over and he’d ruin this chance as well if it wasn’t for the golden finger of the system. Anyways, that sort of thinking just annoyed me out of my s.o.d while reading this.
