Review Detail of Loyalty_1194 in ANBU: Card System In Naruto

I’ve tried reading further than I got, but I just can’t get into it. I have a few points of contention that took me out of the story that I feel I should be mentioned in my critique. The main character, despite at first seeming like someone who would succeed, ended up becoming someone else completely once she awoke some memories for her new life. It would be understandable to have made changes to her character as she got accustomed to her memories, it felt like the reincarnation wasn’t even needed in the first place, as the nonestablished personality of her previous life either didn’t carry over, or is the same, in which case my aforementioned point still resides. Furthermore, the further you get into the story proper, the more nonsensical it becomes. Even with justifying reasons given later on, it feels flimsy, as the execution and build up leaves much to be desired. The MC’s justification and reasoning of her actions could be excused if not for her very much sentient system which answers her questions on nearly everything, and informs her of when it can’t, of which she knows it can do and has done before. As for the reactions to her actions, they have little to no consequence aside from some suspicion and other characters vouching for her despite being a supposed nobody as was mentioned in her evaluation and seen in her memories. It feels as though she’s the main character of the story, rather than the protagonist of the story. The MC, while having the character flaw of making stupid decisions, didn’t lack common sense until the bloodline assimilation, which could be excused, but the Uzumaki aren’t stupid. Naruto and to an extent Kushina are very much outliers among the them due to their upbringings. The events that followed proceeded to make a mockery of the Character seemingly for laughs. She previously mentioned in a previous chapter that Kushina followed her around like a duckling, seemingly (in my mind) hinting that Kushina looked up to her, and saw her as someone to be friends with, or someone she’s comfortable around. It proceeds to be retconned as then new information arose in that She and Mikoto saw MC as a big sister and then “had” her give them free candies and food because of it. It feels shallow to have Kushina and Mikoto victimize her like that, and without a thorough explanation aside from a cursory explanation, they don’t feel like siblings. They feel like strangers taking advantage of a civilian nobody. When MC was outed to Kushina as a member of ANBU, it was understandable she’d be mad her “big sister” didn’t tell her, but considering she is a jinchuriki as well as a shinobi, she’d ought to know that MC literally couldn’t tell her because her station forbids it. Forcing MC to apologize for something she had no control over and even threatening to pound her head into mash is vile and doesn’t fit well with the Kushina that was being hinted at in the previous chapters. Finally, after cliche tropes like being afraid of Kushina for no apparent reason other than her famous temper, or the system constantly badmouthing her for no given reason, I decided to quit while I’m ahead. My location lead me and ended at Chapter 17, so I can’t accurately state if it got better the longer it went on, to which I hope it did, as the premise and summary got me here in the first place. I’m just disappointed I couldn’t see it through to the end. Note that this is not in anyway supposed to be hate or slander. This is just my personal opinion and analysis of the story that I had read. I haven’t seen any comments with constructive criticism, and I’m hoping this review helps with that. If it doesn’t, well it’s whatever. As long as criticism exists and is present, you can improve your story. TL;DR: It went from a story with promise, to a subpar crackfic with a hint of greatness, and an untouched pile of potential. Do with this what you will. Opinions differ, and as I have stated that this isn’t a definitive conclusion nor fact, I expect that to be taken in account rather than disregard my points because of opinionated reasoning. In fact, others might think I’m completely wrong or that I misread/misunderstood/misinterpreted what was mentioned/written. But the fact remains in that this is what my impression of the writing gave me. We may disagree on my points, but that doesn’t mean that it’s irrelevant because of it. Have a good day, and continue writing and improving. This review shouldn’t discourage you from completing your story. So long as the quality improves, no matter what is said, that is all that matters. I could even have the same problems with this story in the future, but as long as it’s fleshed out and makes sense, it would be a good problem rather than an actual one. TL;DR: Keep writing and improving, take criticism into consideration and forge ahead.