Review Detail of NAO_Cosmic in Twisted Link

to be honest, the novel is a beautiful concept, but the Author is making the same mistake u made in my own first novel. he is describing his character in a detached manner. it pulls the reader out if the story disconnecting him. example.Ray was a boy with red hair, he was tall for his age, he was really handsome. this description is very detached. it separates the reader from his character, in stead of immersing him.but look at this approach.his red hair flowed down reaching his back, some covered his properly sculpted face, he was much more grown than what his age suggested.the second one managed to give us a better understanding of ray, not just a blank description.