Review Detail of Ze_Pumpking in Deus Project: False God

I do not want to turn this story into just another generic power fantasy, so if you are coming in here with that expectation, don't be too disappointed. That aside, I think I have done a relatively good job with writing the story, but there is always room for improvement, so any criticism is fine. The story is about a girl who is flung into a "secret" behind the scenes part of the world, where she ends up learning more about this new world, and the dangers that come with knowing about it.