Review Detail of _VIIX_ in IN Harry Potter With a System
Review detail
Even though this totally caters to my OP MC fetish, I don't think it's for me. Writing Quality(3/5): The initial chapters are great. The flow is nice, no major noticable info-dumps. But then it delves into kind of weird territory. The writing changes into a summary report perspective. Chapters do get shorter, the content even more so. I honestly dont't know why it happened. I mean I get it that you want to get done with the phase and jump right into the progressive one. But changing the narrative style was not a great decision. Or at least that's how I feel. Story development (4/5): I don't like where the story is headed. I don't like the author's choice of tropes either. But that boils down to preference. I did not like the Lily portrait thingy. He already has a system and my reasoning can't comprehend the need of him bonding with family when it's a transmigrated MC. But that's just me. In the end it's still going forward and things are happening in a good pace. People might feel it's rushing and it is, but that's what you do with an OP MC. You gotta branch out from the original one way or the other, so better speedrun the original events. Pretty sure author has villains prepared that are way powerful than canon ones. Character Design(3/5): Before Hermione it was my favourite aspect. After Hermione MC kinda turned into a simp and groomer(and I say it totally lightly). Author loves the bossy know it all. I dont't. MC is investing all his time, soul, money and power on Hermione to groom her to be his(put whatever the author says here) and I don't like it. Hence I'm ranting. In the end it's all about preference. I didn't want to see Hermione getting freebies, well she'll be turned into a slave later but all of this was really not needed in the first place? The MC is super OP by himself. anyways on to next____________________________________________________________________________Updating Stability will get full marks from me unless it's too bad. And the world background is a solid 4/5 so far. Coz even after using cliches, the author does actually branch out into different niche aspects of magic. Overall: (3.8/5) Probably would've liked it more if I didn't rewatch the first 4 movies just recently. Made Hermione so bossy that it was really hard to like the character even with Emma Watson's face. I would recommend HP fans out there to read it at their own discretion and form their own value, because it just hits different depending upon your preferences. Well if you don't like simp MC then you can avoid it. And being a simp is inherently neither right nor wrong. I feel I'm nowhere qualified enough to pass judgement on that but I personally don't like it. So there's that.
IN Harry Potter With a System
Dreamer_1297
Liked by 8 people
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thank you for the review. I would like to point out some things first. MC was reincarnated but got his memory on his 11th birthday, it is written in the story. MC has lived 1000 hellish lives and understands that it can be very lonely both at the top and bottom. For Hermione, you said he is a simp. Now this is something I would never agree with. In her, he wants a confidant, not a slave. The detailed reasoning has been provided in the story and one can also observe it from Hermione's recent behavior that she has changed.About rushing the story, here also I would point out that It was not me(author) who was rushing the story, it was Harry(MC) who had just one month to complete the preparation and was rushing. If you read my last 2-3 chapters, you will know that there are much longer interactions. I'm not trying to force you or criticise you, I'm just stating the facts from the story and lastly as you said, it all boils down to preferences.
Well mate, indeed it all boils down to preference. We just have to agree to disagree on Hermione point then. With how much he has invested in to her, ain't no way he's investing that much into anyone. At least someone who has lived a thousand lives won't, not without full guarantee. Which he did, the ritual made her passively loyal to the MC. I do admit calling it slavery was exaggeration on my part, for that I do apologize but I do stand by my point that the MC pretty much manipulated her when I really don't see the reason why it was required in the first place. So let's leave it at that.About the narrative though, like I said, it changed not for the better. See, I get that you wanted to show the MC's rushing by changing the narrative. The problem is your first phase was just too good, so this style came out as a major clash and looked lackluster. Then you switch back to the arguably better narrative once again. This created a contrast that pretty much made it seem like I was reading a tale, then suddenly I decided reading spoiler summary then again I went back to the tale. Not something I personally like.
Dreamer_1297:thank you for the review. I would like to point out some things first. MC was reincarnated but got his memory on his 11th birthday, it is written in the story. MC has lived 1000 hellish lives and understands that it can be very lonely both at the top and bottom. For Hermione, you said he is a simp. Now this is something I would never agree with. In her, he wants a confidant, not a slave. The detailed reasoning has been provided in the story and one can also observe it from Hermione's recent behavior that she has changed.About rushing the story, here also I would point out that It was not me(author) who was rushing the story, it was Harry(MC) who had just one month to complete the preparation and was rushing. If you read my last 2-3 chapters, you will know that there are much longer interactions. I'm not trying to force you or criticise you, I'm just stating the facts from the story and lastly as you said, it all boils down to preferences.
And once again, this is just me pointing out what seemed a bit wrong to me. My opinion doesnt't inherently change the value of your hard work for better or for worse. At the end of the day, it's your brain child, so you do you author. Afterall it's gotta be the picture that you wanna paint. I do wish you good luck in your writing journey.
Just having Hermione bossy in your fanfic already makes me drift away from the story, Who likes that a random person speaks to you as if they were your father? I honestly really question the mentality of people like you who love Hermione's character, it's rubbish.
Dreamer_1297:thank you for the review. I would like to point out some things first. MC was reincarnated but got his memory on his 11th birthday, it is written in the story. MC has lived 1000 hellish lives and understands that it can be very lonely both at the top and bottom. For Hermione, you said he is a simp. Now this is something I would never agree with. In her, he wants a confidant, not a slave. The detailed reasoning has been provided in the story and one can also observe it from Hermione's recent behavior that she has changed.About rushing the story, here also I would point out that It was not me(author) who was rushing the story, it was Harry(MC) who had just one month to complete the preparation and was rushing. If you read my last 2-3 chapters, you will know that there are much longer interactions. I'm not trying to force you or criticise you, I'm just stating the facts from the story and lastly as you said, it all boils down to preferences.