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Review Detail of Vimbai_Murindagomo in TWISTED FATE: THE BILLIONAIRE'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR

Review detail

Vimbai_Murindagomo
Vimbai_MurindagomoLv111mthVimbai_Murindagomo

Good plot, great storyline. As always you have a unique plot which entices the reader to want more. However there are some glaring weaknesses that I noted you might want to attend to. In chapter 1 you make reference to a cabin house, which is like over kill. Use of cabin already gives the picture of a wooden or log house. You go on to describe Avita in chapter 2 as, wearing 'some glasses', the use of some in that case is inappropriate. I would suggest you go with, ...'wearing eye glasses or simply glasses. You have a great story which I believe would read even better if you change present tense to past tense, do that you are doing more of narrating. You did a great job of that in, Online Cougar System, and please proof read your work. Otherwise I love the way you are building up the story. The way you ended chapter1 is a quite a cliffhanger. The way you proceed to chapter 2 where we are now seeing Avita years later, brilliant.

TWISTED FATE: THE BILLIONAIRE'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR

GEEGEE

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GEEGEE
GEEGEELv13GEEGEE

thanks a lot for pointing that out.