Review Detail of Dickson_ in Erotic Odyssey: The Hentai System In An Eroverse
Review detail
NO YURI & NETORARE Welcome fellow degenerates to my novel, do not have your hopes high about my book, this is my first novel that I had spurn from my boredom interwoven in degeneracy (as you can see from its title as I'm merely writing this as a what if situation and crossing realms after watching a *few* *wholesome* an¡mes) and will have its flaws. I'm open to improvement and would really appreciate pointing it out without being a d¡k about it. Please support me in votes, comments(most especially, it'll help me know my audience better), gifts and donations. A discord server for a personalized chat with me, spoilers, arc requests, visual strips of this novel, character references and events will be created once we get to at least 2k collections or in top 100 trending. ~Thank you for considering this book and I hope to see your active comments and support on my book.
Erotic Odyssey: The Hentai System In An Eroverse
Dickson_
Liked by 5 people
LIKEReplies3
This is by far the most detailed observation I've seen and I really appreciate you took out your time to point out what you think. Concerning what was mentioned/referenced I will check it out but also not fully so I don't get influenced or inspired heavily by it.I'll try to improve as I'm gradually getting to the plot thickening stage as of 20 chapters I have currently and would be able to fully define the character and his harem.
Novel_Meditation:I think overall the writing is good and I feel like you're doing well at conveying what you want, which isn't easy. If I had to nitpick, maybe some paragraphs are too long, or could be broken up more so that it's spaced out better. One such narrative technique is to tag the action, or use taglines. Example: With his other hand, he flipped the switch to the bathroom fan, He had, maybe, two minutes. <---Action Barely enough time. <--- Tagline Have you ever read 'Terror Infinity'? The MC, and the others go from one horror movie to another. I feel the story could be improved by reworking your story to emulate that particular story structure. It feels like to me you may have read it and that particular story also allows the transmigrators to pull characters out of the movie world into the real world. Also because of your particular mc character design and general theme of your premise, it feels like it could use something such as an antagonist/hero/villain, or type of your choosing to bring out more purpose, or counterplea for the MC. Stories such as I became the rich second generation villain, I am a Dao Fushuai villain, or I am the fated villain. The pitch for 'Alien', was sharks in space. My pitch to you is Terror Infinity meets Hentai, or I am a Gao Fushuai Villain, but instead of novels, it's multiple Hentai series. Both offer a great narrative framework for your premise. On a side note, I think an interesting concept would be to sexy up the Villain vs Protagonist, sub-genre, by making a world where the villain or MC is going up against various protagonists golden-finger/cheat/system/plot armor, related to sex, lust, incubus, Succubus, harem abilities and powers, etc... and cockblocking them or preventing the Netorare. Maybe breaking the protagonist halo is the equivalent to turning them into eunuchs, or giving them ED. And instead of 'luck' its 'Rizz energy'. Charm, Physique + dick, and Rizz cultivation, with a skill shop or something as simple would make for a good enough system for the host. As long as the system stays away from too many features, to the point of occupying most of the chapter, or forced enslavement to ruin the plot you could have a very long and interesting story. Anyway, it's just a thought I had while writing up my review/suggestions. The writing is good and in my opinion is capable of telling a better story. It's subjective and my ideas, isn't necessarily any better, or worse. It just comes down to taste. Sorry for the long post, if you have read this far. Keep it up and good luck!
I think overall the writing is good and I feel like you're doing well at conveying what you want, which isn't easy. If I had to nitpick, maybe some paragraphs are too long, or could be broken up more so that it's spaced out better. One such narrative technique is to tag the action, or use taglines. Example: With his other hand, he flipped the switch to the bathroom fan, He had, maybe, two minutes. <---Action Barely enough time. <--- Tagline Have you ever read 'Terror Infinity'? The MC, and the others go from one horror movie to another. I feel the story could be improved by reworking your story to emulate that particular story structure. It feels like to me you may have read it and that particular story also allows the transmigrators to pull characters out of the movie world into the real world. Also because of your particular mc character design and general theme of your premise, it feels like it could use something such as an antagonist/hero/villain, or type of your choosing to bring out more purpose, or counterplea for the MC. Stories such as I became the rich second generation villain, I am a Dao Fushuai villain, or I am the fated villain. The pitch for 'Alien', was sharks in space. My pitch to you is Terror Infinity meets Hentai, or I am a Gao Fushuai Villain, but instead of novels, it's multiple Hentai series. Both offer a great narrative framework for your premise. On a side note, I think an interesting concept would be to sexy up the Villain vs Protagonist, sub-genre, by making a world where the villain or MC is going up against various protagonists golden-finger/cheat/system/plot armor, related to sex, lust, incubus, Succubus, harem abilities and powers, etc... and cockblocking them or preventing the Netorare. Maybe breaking the protagonist halo is the equivalent to turning them into eunuchs, or giving them ED. And instead of 'luck' its 'Rizz energy'. Charm, Physique + dick, and Rizz cultivation, with a skill shop or something as simple would make for a good enough system for the host. As long as the system stays away from too many features, to the point of occupying most of the chapter, or forced enslavement to ruin the plot you could have a very long and interesting story. Anyway, it's just a thought I had while writing up my review/suggestions. The writing is good and in my opinion is capable of telling a better story. It's subjective and my ideas, isn't necessarily any better, or worse. It just comes down to taste. Sorry for the long post, if you have read this far. Keep it up and good luck!