Review Detail of NecroFan in Return Of The Dark Angel
Review detail
Inconsistent. The main character is allegedly 200 years old yet still acts like a complete child. Afraid of a common school bully and an emotional wreck. You would think being executed would make him less of a coward but the MC is just a big baby. He states how he doesn’t want to cause problems then goes on to cause them anyways. The Authour wants to make him feel smart and scheming but he just feels like an idiot to me. The whole world is against him for some reason. Its so forced I can’t bare to read past it. A teacher wasted her time to upset the Mc which makes no sense. The whole book up to where I read is just “poor me!” And a character named Riny? (Might be wrong) is also too emotional. Who hired someone like her? She has the emotional inteligence of a 7 year old school girl. Lots of potential but early chapters need a re write and Authour needs to make up his mind about wether Zain is brains or brawn.
Return Of The Dark Angel
1st_Manga_KING
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The character in one Chapter is cold and calculating and emotional and dumb in the next. Some lines he seems like a completely different character. And you’ve made the teachers unrealistically cruel for seemingly no reason. Perhaps writing about whh the teachers would stop this from being true but unless Zain killed their pets I don’t see any reason for a teacher to be like this.
1st_Manga_KING:Can't rewrite just for you, sorry. and not everyone can instantly be smart, scheming. Not everyone escape a trauma or the character with which they have lived for 200 yrs. Nothing is inconsistent, u can't expect me to write about every past, why or how the teacher starts hating him or simply scolds him?
Can't rewrite just for you, sorry. and not everyone can instantly be smart, scheming. Not everyone escape a trauma or the character with which they have lived for 200 yrs. Nothing is inconsistent, u can't expect me to write about every past, why or how the teacher starts hating him or simply scolds him?
NecroFan:The character in one Chapter is cold and calculating and emotional and dumb in the next. Some lines he seems like a completely different character. And you’ve made the teachers unrealistically cruel for seemingly no reason. Perhaps writing about whh the teachers would stop this from being true but unless Zain killed their pets I don’t see any reason for a teacher to be like this.
Being bought? By who and why? Its rediculous. The whole plot point is bad. Better option would be to go the “weak student bullied by students, due to bias from teachers, nothing is done about it.” Route. That way is much more realistic because it outlines Zains weaknesses and the fact that the strong rule. Also Riry is much too emotional. She cried and balled for Zain. Just too much. I’ve read ahead and it’s really solid, but your opening is weak in my opinion.
1st_Manga_KING:then my friend u haven't read many novels/manhwas. Teachers being bought, ever heard of this?
That's what I said earlier dude, being bought by whom and why is smth I didn't add as it didn't seem fit. As said, there is a reason for everything, 100s of things. Especially, the story that I'm writing is heavily focused on the current day society, most of things relatable - racism, discrimination, fear, trauma, change, call for help etc. Adding X or Y plot couod become solid or make it better, but I just don't want to... cause I wrote what I felt right and it is my imagination. The thing is, it's fine honestly, what you are saying is true, not denying that it's wrong. but what I wrote is also true and based off of smth. U will realize ig when the story ends, in the side story? or when mc's kid starts? (gave a spoiler without realizing but oh well)
NecroFan:Being bought? By who and why? Its rediculous. The whole plot point is bad. Better option would be to go the “weak student bullied by students, due to bias from teachers, nothing is done about it.” Route. That way is much more realistic because it outlines Zains weaknesses and the fact that the strong rule. Also Riry is much too emotional. She cried and balled for Zain. Just too much. I’ve read ahead and it’s really solid, but your opening is weak in my opinion.
1st_Manga_KING:That's what I said earlier dude, being bought by whom and why is smth I didn't add as it didn't seem fit. As said, there is a reason for everything, 100s of things. Especially, the story that I'm writing is heavily focused on the current day society, most of things relatable - racism, discrimination, fear, trauma, change, call for help etc. Adding X or Y plot couod become solid or make it better, but I just don't want to... cause I wrote what I felt right and it is my imagination. The thing is, it's fine honestly, what you are saying is true, not denying that it's wrong. but what I wrote is also true and based off of smth. U will realize ig when the story ends, in the side story? or when mc's kid starts? (gave a spoiler without realizing but oh well)
How many chapters have you even read bro? I'm pretty sure it's show he murders way too many in the upcoming chaps... relying? he has to. he just regained all the memories, you can't expect someone to suddenly become all knowing??? Feeling the warmth, I have mentioned abt it too, u skipped it? despite having lover, he always felt it cold, not genuine warmth. I have mentioned it but maybe u just never read it. I would recommend u to read at least 35 chaps before dropping/ leaving review. why 1 star? just for this? u need to look at the wn criteria for the stars... not randomly leave such, hurts us no?
THE_LOST_GOAT:can I ask why the mc is too reliant on people and trust them easily i thought he wouldn't trust after he was betrayed by the angels
the corruption all the way up the angels ladder is revenge fuel to destroy everything, there should be no order in this society.spoilers.But at chapter 8.... suddenly we have technology! MC has a phone!!! and he gets prank called! oh wait let's trace the call with a friend at police station. OP MC beats the bully. yeah!!! hurray!!oh noes but wait the bully is mafia!!in angel world police station gets slaughtered and MC's house is on fire...MC runs into the house and is no longer op...goes to the basement or gets buried in fire.hours later the bodies of mom and sister are found.... STILL ALIVE...just charcoaled.at the hospital there is no angel magic, they are dead. MC digs out of house and is angry but that's enough ...no more revenge for now till he gets stronger.
u forgot to say how he forgot about death of his family on same day he wasn't even sad when he goes to that teacher's home
mujaki2:the corruption all the way up the angels ladder is revenge fuel to destroy everything, there should be no order in this society.spoilers.But at chapter 8.... suddenly we have technology! MC has a phone!!! and he gets prank called! oh wait let's trace the call with a friend at police station. OP MC beats the bully. yeah!!! hurray!!oh noes but wait the bully is mafia!!in angel world police station gets slaughtered and MC's house is on fire...MC runs into the house and is no longer op...goes to the basement or gets buried in fire.hours later the bodies of mom and sister are found.... STILL ALIVE...just charcoaled.at the hospital there is no angel magic, they are dead. MC digs out of house and is angry but that's enough ...no more revenge for now till he gets stronger.