Review Detail of Kaz_Sensei in Ichor Genos

So, I have only read a single chapter but I can say your story definitely has promise! I do have some points however that I would like to dish out. Please do not take this an attack, I merely want to help you. Firstly, your beginning is interesting, however I feel like your scenes lack impact. I don't mean their concept lack impact, but the delivery more so. You more or less say rather than show. I think your scenes could do better with more development and building of the surroundings. Describing the things like the blood, potentially an insight to the protagonists feelings before its revealed he has been shot, something like that would help. Finally I'd like to comment on your paragraph spacing when it comes to like the system comments. If you spaced them more out I think it'd look better and feel more like a menu or announcement screen that had popped up, unless you were going for something totally different. Anyways keep up the good work and keep writing!!