Review Detail of southgamez in In the movie worlds with my system

I couldn't make it past the first chapter with how god awful the flow of reading went. I felt like I was reading an elementary school students fantasy story. Grammar is hardly used or just used incorrectly, and the sentences are hard to comprehend due to how unnecessary some of the lines are. I feel like the author was adding more words to a sentence to make it longer. (EX from ch1: My name is Alex Walker. I was a college student who led a normal life, except that I'm an orphan. Who grew up in an orphanage until school and moved to college dorms for college and doing part-time jobs for money. It all worked out well until today) this could have been way simpler as this instead. (EX: My name is Alex Walker, I was a full-time collage student getting by through part-time jobs. I grew up as an orphan, so there was little money to fund my living expenses, so I opted to live in the collage dorms. It all worked out well, until today, that is.)