Review Detail of Zetsway in Game of Thrones: Reborn as Jon Snow with a system

How do you think I can improve it?

make the MC do things. Don't write so much about what he's thinking of doing in such a distant future. It has no meaning in the present. Expand upon his relationships. For example, I was curious about his experience with Catelyn. And, this is something I see a lot of FF writers use, don't make all of his assumptions correct. It makes the MC omniscient when he shouldn't be. Lastly, this is a bit personal, I don't like to read about child arcs...I'm curious about how he would impact the world, not how many sword strikes he does every day and if he improved compared to yesterday...

Showing that the MC is planning ahead is good, but you don't need to detail his plans, just an overview, and then you expand and explain more of these plans as he acts on them. Of course all his plans won't always go the way he wants, so writing these mishaps and how he overcomes them is a great way to do some character growth. Same for his training, you can describe his first day of training and how it went then just try skimming through important phases without too much detail, for example "Through his rigorous training, he was able to learn all the sword stances Roderick knew. He decided to alter them and make them fit his body and style to truly make them his own, according to Ser Roderick, that will be when he truly becomes a master swordsman." That's just an example in my own style, but paragraphs like this give you the opportunity to express chunks of time passing without the generic '2 years later'. You can just imply how much time passed by talking about his aging body, or describing how much he grew taller etc. This was just my opinion as an aspiring writer myself. I wish you all the best in your journey my author friend, and may you keep improving to the extent you wish ❤️. Never give up, it's through failures that we grow.

Btw I'm curious about something, if I add a novel to a reading list, does it count as if I added it to my library, or do I need to specifically add it to "Reading Now" to support the work?

I didn't know there were a reading list before this question, so I can't answer that. I'll take the other things you said into consideration.

I find that writing relationships are the hardest part of this fanfiction, which is why I don't go into much detail, but I will try to improve upon it, once he starts to make connections to the people that will be important to the plot. I don't find the child arc very interesting to write, but I think it's necessary so that there is a reason for his actions and skills later on.

You are right, they are quite hard, that's why relationships between characters is the reason some fics do so well while others sink. For the child ark, if you don't like to write it, absolutely scrap it. Never write something you don't like. You can feed the knowledge about his growth in small pieces throughout the story. For example, you can start a chapter with Jon in the middle of a journey, years after his reincarnation and while he rides a horse you point the reader that he remembers how learning to ride was. Some funny mistakes or a missed loved one will make it even more descriptive. You won't say too much, but the reader will understand from that that he grew up, got some 'life' moments and didn't quite abandon his past. Writing a childhood arc reminds me of those nightmarish Naruto fanatics of 300+ words and the MC is still in the academy. That's why I dislike them. Btw, look at how it was done in One Piece. Luffy's childhood only came up as it was relevant.

I'll remember what you wrote, sadly it's a bit too late to stop now... But the CItadel arc will be more focused on other canon characters and setting up a power base.

Yeah, on the app you can add a novel to "Reading" or create a "Reding List" and add it there. It's really useful but I don't know if it still counts for the collection count of a novel. p.s: examples of reading lists I have: "Dropped", "Indefinite Hiatus", "Good but Harem so meh", "Great Author", "Work in progress"...

You can also add some time skips in the Citadel arc, it isn't like everything happens within a week after all. Then he can return to Winterfell and you can do some time skips with maybe some story between until we arrive at the start of canon. And since you already established all that with Jon being a legit Targaryen, you have many possibilities of how you can change the story and stray further from canon

wow you dropped after 21 chapters what an incredible waste of your time how do you feel

A little ashamed.

try again or try different franchise for example one piece walking dead Naruto Harry potter Ben ten marvel mcu avatar last air bender they all have maps, all have excellent foundation and developed characters that are relatable With images for peoples comparison and all have things people would change if they where in that universe for example if I was in Harry potter I'd seduce and eventually bone Hermione if I was in Naruto become friends with him, introduce him to new foods for example pizza if I was in walking dead I'd save Sophia and shane in mcu I'd save the PUNISHERS family (only once in fanfic have I seen author do that response from readers was intense)

or try something like super detective in a fictional world merging multiple franchise's or films all into one mcu universe