Review Detail of UndeadBeing in HP: Magic of the End
Review detail
The one thing that mattes the most of a nonhuman fanfic/story is keeping the mc nonhuman. Ya see, changing your mc into looking like or being human-like is the bane of any good nonhuman novel. We didn’t come her to find a human, we didn’t come her to find a half-nonhuman, the one thing we came for and was assured of in the synopsis is the nonhuman part. Now that you know why your readers bothered to open the novel, we get to the reason this novel is terrible. Mind you this could be the most well written novel in all of history but it’d still be trash. You turn your mc human-ish and remove the part and staple point for the creature you based it off. He’s no longer an enderman, he’s just a transformed human. You didn’t give the viewers a good reason to stay. You remove the looks, remove the preset expectation, and then you moved on. You said enderman and you removed the enderman. I know you’re gonna look at this and wonder why I’m not reviewing the rest of the story but honestly this one point completely overshadows any other complaint. You can’t create a novel about let’s say a dragon, then remove the dragon and move on with the novel. That’s not how stories work. Now I don’t like harem novels at all, think they’re about as useless as the people who read it(completely background side-characters) but I’d rather read that abomination of a disease that plagues webnovel than read this. This is like those gta 5 YouTubers who say “like and sun for a giveaway” but never give the stuff away, you said enderman in the synopsis but 20ish chapters in he’s no longer enderman. He doesn’t have the iconic look of an enderman and he removed the main standing point that Minecraft gave that species. Just write a normal HP fanfic and don’t label it as something you never follow through on. 5 -> 3 -> 1 -> 1 -> 3 on the ratings bottom to top
HP: Magic of the End
Simple_Russian_Boi
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The only place where he looks even remotely like a human is the space of his own soul. His whole motivation consists of two simple points: find a way to reunite with his family and regain a human body. Do you think that I gave him goals just so that he would achieve them at the beginning of the book?He's still an Enderman, even in the last chapter.
He basically goes invisible day one of hogwarts. I don’t like novels that have the mc have a goal to become human. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t look human at the moment, the second the mc wants or finds a way to become human again the non-human is ruined. Authors use excuses like he will have to work for it and can only get it at the end. We didn’t come here for the mc to hate himself, we came here to read an enderman, we got scammed. It doesn’t matter how far in the future he gets one, he’s still not as advertised. Tell me author, since you’re invested in my review enough to reply to it, what would you feel if you’re reading a novel about this great spellcaster who you watched grow up from novice to the God of spells, suddenly decide near the end to give up everything. Would you enjoy to know that the figure you enjoyed watching foresakes his very existence? Would you find that interesting? Would you be excited to read someone give up what made the story unique? That leads to my next question, author, why did you make him an enderman in the first place? You’ve basically made him an invisible hydrophobic teleporting mage. Does that sound like the synopsis at all?
Simple_Russian_Boi:The only place where he looks even remotely like a human is the space of his own soul. His whole motivation consists of two simple points: find a way to reunite with his family and regain a human body. Do you think that I gave him goals just so that he would achieve them at the beginning of the book?He's still an Enderman, even in the last chapter.
Your comparison doesn't really apply here, but I understand what you're saying. When novels lose something that makes them special, I lose interest, yes. But I don't see this in my novel. Maybe, as an author, I just can’t, but from my point of view, everything remains as it should be. I made him an Enderman for one reason: because I wanted to write a story about a man being forced into another reality in the body of a monster. I wanted to show what goes on in the head of such a person and how others would react to him. And you're right about the synopsis. It was written quite a long time ago and no longer fits the path where my book is going. I'll change it soon.
UndeadBeing:He basically goes invisible day one of hogwarts. I don’t like novels that have the mc have a goal to become human. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t look human at the moment, the second the mc wants or finds a way to become human again the non-human is ruined. Authors use excuses like he will have to work for it and can only get it at the end. We didn’t come here for the mc to hate himself, we came here to read an enderman, we got scammed. It doesn’t matter how far in the future he gets one, he’s still not as advertised. Tell me author, since you’re invested in my review enough to reply to it, what would you feel if you’re reading a novel about this great spellcaster who you watched grow up from novice to the God of spells, suddenly decide near the end to give up everything. Would you enjoy to know that the figure you enjoyed watching foresakes his very existence? Would you find that interesting? Would you be excited to read someone give up what made the story unique? That leads to my next question, author, why did you make him an enderman in the first place? You’ve basically made him an invisible hydrophobic teleporting mage. Does that sound like the synopsis at all?