Review Detail of puukkiss in THE RISE OF VARAHA : ONLINE
Review detail
The author themselves asked for a review. Hopefully, they won't regret it. Leaving aside grammar issues, I believe this story suffers more from the author's inattention/laziness with simple mistakes. In the first chapter, the main character's name is written multiple times in lowercase. Not to mention, some sentences start in lowercase. "Yeah I know about the writing quality I am looking for an editor but till now have had no luck."/ Lordwlesh An editor won't solve laziness. Grammarly and other programs are free enough to fix most mistakes. "Get bored of The same annoying mindless characters having no soul of their own. The protagonist gets everything just on his whim and the world revolve around them . Then worry not this book is the right choice of yours. "/Lordwlesh That's sarcasm, right? Right? The plot is basic: a young boy/old man is taken to another world to become a lord. All of the followers appear to be brainwashed, brain dead—even the MC farts are fragrant—type characters. All I remember about MC is that he is elderly, dislikes games, likes tea, died in an amusing manner, and may have worked in theater since he speaks as if he is standing on stage and addressing the audience. Perhaps if he were British, sipping black tea would be enough to give him life as a character, but as it stands, MC is essentially a soulless stand-in for the author. Dialogues are on the stiff side, with a lot of characters exchanging info-dump piles between info-dump thoughts and paragraphs of info-dump. Those who don't care about grammar or plot will enjoy this novel. The authors' forced friends will also probably read this. I will, meanwhile, see myself out.
THE RISE OF VARAHA : ONLINE
Lordwlesh
Liked by 2 people
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Weird, it looks fine from my side. BTW, I wrote this in the morning before coffee, so sorry about my edge lord's tone. Reposted replay: “(...)he had his reason(…)” Most authors who write edgelords or other unrealistic characters use this as an excuse. I understand that the outline of the story/character development makes sense in your brain, but it doesn't translate to what people see on paper/screen/text. Just as you don't notice those minor laziness errors and dismiss them as unimportant (given the fact that you haven't corrected them even after 2 months), there are logical flaws in your story and the basic main character temple MC. You have - a poor orphan, a classic trope in all types of media. Conveniently an Orphan from tvtropes “Refia: I am thankful to Father for taking care of an orphan like me for all these years, but... this is something I have to do. Luneth: Wait... you're an orphan, too? Refia: "Too"? You mean— Arc: I'm one, too! Ingus: Wait a minute... I, too, have no parents... — Final Fantasy III (DS translation)” You have - nobody loves me and I live alone. A classic in typical isakai/weeb stories. You have – I bought/freed a slave from slavery; therefore, they’ll now be 100% grateful and now 100% act like they are mind-controlled slave who worships the very ground you fart on. You have – the best two racist tropes, Mighty Whitey! And Led by the Outsider! Surrounded by monkeys, I am a monkey king! Only MC is smart enough to solve basic problems. “(..)by looking at the intelligence of his kind, well he does not want to bet on it so the best choice would be to fight.” What makes it even worse is the demon description: “They also have well-built bodies some were lean with appropriate muscles some bulky. they wore nothing on their bodies clearly showing their black as space skin.” They were basically black people turned demon slaves saved by white MC. Yaaay! Racism! You say there are reasons. Well, those reasons don’t change the fact, you purposely made an old, introverted man into a confident, strong, I’ll change this world's history in 4 chapters. You chose to write dumb, dark-skinned demon slaves that need to be saved by a smarter than natives western human. If this isn't the author’s w@nking off on himself, what is it?
Lordwlesh:For some reason, I am unable to read your reply to my reply. I don't know what the issue is. I can only read till the point I can understand. What is happening here? Did you get my replies here
Well, apart from grammar and laziness I would disagree with your other points. Ron is not a soulless character he had his reason to go into the mode of character and why he is acting so kingly and majestically you will find out in later chapters as it would spoil the fun. And why his subordinates and people love him. I think I gave a valid point in my chapters that he had saved them from their slave full lives. yeah, ron is not the one who saves them it's Kansa but in the eye of the people he saves them, and on top of that he gave them the power to evolve. So why would they didn't trust him I don't find any reason not. Regarding the info dumps between characters yeah it may be sometimes over but you again are forgetting the point here is that they were mere slaves they don't have access to all of this normal information. It's not only ravan who is exploring the world but they are exploring with him. Regarding plot man I have so much to write read the chapters, it's just a few weeks of ron into this world the plot will get thickened. So again I would serenely ask your review till the latest chapters and thanks for giving your time to make a review