Hello! I was interested in the title when I saw you text it on discord.đ Anyways, my honest criticisms would be: -I see purple prose in your book, -wrong placements of commas and such, -too much "had", maybe try "was" or "were", -search for synonyms of words so you won't have to put "very" that often, -seperate paragraphs, it's not appealing to see blocks of texts -try to let the story flow out, and let the readers know the attitudes of your character by showing their actions. Try to limit telling their personalities right from the get-go. Lastly, you're good! Good luck in writing!
DawsonSmallson
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