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Review Detail of Sakura_Charmash in Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray (GL)

Review detail

Sakura_Charmash
Sakura_CharmashLv21yrSakura_Charmash

As the saying goes "you truly fall in love only once, all the other times is either you trying to forget the first live, or trying to replicate it." The sort of deadlick these two women are entangled in, say, a stalemate of a connection that neither topples into fires of passion nor to the shallow waters of companionship - they reminded me of that quote. Let me confess I read only five chapters, out of your available twelve. But I do intend to continue. However, let me elaborate on why I decided to pause on five and provide this review. The story is set in 1925, your tone matches that era with the perfect pitch. It's so well done, with the style of prose, the construction of sentences that I almost imagined every scene with that yellow tinted vintage filter on. But therein, lies the problem too. The descriptions, flowery and very nicely written yes, but sort of lulls you into a lethargic mood. I'm not saying it's boring, but it could be vitalized. I guess I would prefer a little more conversation, a little more insight into people instead of being simply told about them. Moving on, I liked the main characters, mainly the two women veering on the edge of discipline and debauchery. They are well constructed and nicely rounded off by dashes of other supporting characters. Their dynamic is thought provoking, as I said, it's very tantalisingly neither there no here. But you did not allow the reader to fall into that chasm led along the thread of this complicated relationship, instead you shove them down with that sudden love declaration. While I'm sure the lead had enough time to ponder and come to a conclusion on her affection, as I reader I found it little too quickly for me to be on the same page. As for now, that's where I stand with this story and I hope I made a coherent attempt to convert what I meant to say. Good luck with your future chapters.

Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray (GL)

Sigheti

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Replies3

Sigheti
SighetiAuthorSigheti

Thank you so much. This really gave me a nice overview of how it is to read my story and now I can start working on you pointers.

Sakura_Charmash
Sakura_CharmashLv2Sakura_Charmash

You are welcome. I'm glad you took it in good humour. Wish you all the very best for your future chapters.

Sigheti:Thank you so much. This really gave me a nice overview of how it is to read my story and now I can start working on you pointers.
Sigheti
SighetiAuthorSigheti

I’m honestly just released someone finally had the guts to give some criticism. Most are too scared to get a bad review in return out of spite. I just finished my own review for your story. You have a natural talent.

Sakura_Charmash:You are welcome. I'm glad you took it in good humour. Wish you all the very best for your future chapters.
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