Read up to chapter 6. My thoughts are thus: Quality: 5/5. Pretty easy rating to give, the writing and editing quality is superb. Not a jot or a title out of place. Development: 3/5. Not to say that it isn't interesting, but there's a lot, and I mean, A LOT, of exposition and "telling" as opposed to "showing", though I assume that beyond where I stopped is better about it. Not that exposition is bad, it's just, y'know, abused a little. I'm just one of those kinds of guys that despise walls of text, sue me. Character design: 4/5. I haven't really seen much of our main character other than his personality, which so far is pretty interesting. World Background: 4/5. Other than a few glimpses of his interactions with those in the real world, there wasn't much, but I'm assuming most of the world-building will come in later chapters. Overall, deserves a 4.2 in my opinion. Keep up the good work, it's got potential.
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Well, that's really up to you, now isn't it? With the progression as it is now, it's almost impossible to do it any other way, unless somehow those on the outside are able to talk to those on the inside (that, or Lorn is removed from the system and brought back for, I don't know, a "check-up" to see if he's suffering symptoms as the 80% do). But if there was a way to cut down on some of the info-dumping, I would certainly try to work it in. Sometimes it's hard not to, and I get it. Exposition is necessary to clear up misunderstood context.
POW:Also, do you think I should remove the scene with Reina and explain the technology slowly later on? SNEPAI