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Review Detail of John_Doe12 in DC: Light Human

Review detail

John_Doe12
John_Doe12Lv32yrJohn_Doe12

I tried to read this story with a grain of salt. Wish fulfilment, grimdark power fantasies aren't usually my thing. One so focused on being Literotica more so. So, I went into reading this comfortably self-aware of my bias, and with a handful of purified salt just to be safe. I ran out of salt by the fifth chapter. Read at your own risk. This isn't for the faint of heart or delicate of sensibilities. Writing Quality: The quality of writing could use major improvements and a decent amount of proofreading. There are simple errors littered throughout the chapters that once smoothed out could be a simple and effective way to improve the flow and structure of the story. However, grammatically it's pretty on point. What is currently there needs an NSFW warning right out of the gates and there is a disconnect between the content, the story and its characters that can feel choppy at times. Stability of Updates: The Story has a rather stable update schedule from what I can see. If you are interested in what is there then you will not be kept waiting long. Story Development: I understand this is a wish fulfilment power fest bent around a harem structure and so can't really judge what little plot the story contains. Five chapters in and nothing of real worth or impact had happened. He got laid, he went out, he got laid again, he did something minor, then killed a bunch of people and then went and got laid again. Rinse and repeat. If there was a driving force or reason behind his actions then things might be more interesting, just winging it and getting some reads boring and poorly thought out. Character Design: The characters so far have been flat cardboard cutouts pulled along by the whimsy of an MC with very little agency beyond his libido. The rather quick and brief introductions that are there extend very little passed being directly told about the physical traits of the characters. This can be annoying when mixed with the fact a lot of background knowledge is assumed. A quick and dirty fix would be to flesh out the characters with a few motivations, feelings or decisions that impact the mc's own. Otherwise, a small introduction of the characters, their physical attributes, relation to the scene being created and their importance to the main character or at least his thoughts on them would do wonders. Does he completely fanboy if he ever meets The Green Lantern or is Hal his least favourite of the lanterns because he could never understand his choices? Right now the background characters read like props being used as filler for the MC instead of being part of his story. World Background: Slowly developed, however, relies heavily on assumed knowledge of DC backgrounds. Scenes are created with no real-world development beyond the skeleton of a place's description and even those are sparse.

DC: Light Human

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SwayStar
SwayStarAuthorSwayStar

Thank you for the review!