The story is alright, there are some grammar mistakes here and there but not to many, not a bad read but isn't an amazing one either. I think with a little more work, and editing it can be a pretty decent read. Keep it up the more you work on this the better you'll Improve. That's all I got to say but this is a pretty ok story, keep up the good work.
LORDOFORIGANALink
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