Review Detail of kuhaku_sora in Exiled

I really love the concept of your story! However, there are few things that I'd like to ask and point out. In your story, you must have a stake for the main character, and something the readers would sympathise about. It needs to be urgent and a goal for the main portagonist to obtain. English is a very difficult and peculiar subject, so I advise you to read your chapters out loud and learn all the techniques needed to make a story. Besides that, I hope you learned something with my review and comments I left in the chapter!