Review Detail of JojoSoni in Deleted
Review detail
i can see the effort put into the story. but it is not that good. one massive problem it has is that it uses lots of words which those who are not indian (or have not watched Mahabharata like hindi serial) won't understand. some words are okay. but this novel barrages you with those. us karna fans won't have a problem. but you should write in such a way that not only the niche community audience understand but everyone do and gets to enjoy this story. also, everything is going good. a story is based on conflict. if there is no conflict, story will be boring. you also made 2 other mistakes. 1 is info dump. and 2nd is the classic "telling, not showing". problems in society are not easily solved. specially by 5 year kid who hasn't even done anything. i feel like you rushed there a lot. though I'm intrigued to see what you have in plan for the story. and hopefully, after the early chapters, you can take it easy and flash out the world from your perspective.
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Navya_1803
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Thank you for you review. I will try to use word which non- Indians would me more familiar with. About the issues you pointed out, I know that you are right and at some point I have also realized that. Right now I am trying to edit the previous chapter so that it doesn't seem that I have rushed the story. In the upcoming chapters I will slowly show how Karna is trying to bring changes. He will slowly try to change the society and face many problems during it. It may seem that Karna is not facing any problem in his life right now but don't worry I have decided something about it. I am just trying to create a base for the story first so that you all could connect mire with the characters. There will be a twist after the Panchal war so wait for that. I am trying to show that in life everything will go just fine and the suddenly all the problems will come. One will even not be able to realise how it all happened, same will happen with the Kuru family in this story. Thank you once again for reading this story and pointing out the mistakes.
in every story, starting is what hooks you. i have seen tropes of everything going right until suddenly everything changes. but there, the good part is not too long. well, doing it long is also not a problem, but the slice of life part has to be very interesting. but most characters seems 2d. though i can understand how difficult it is to write 3 dimensional characters. I'm trying to write myself. and i find many things i wrote cringe. so i deleted it. but i would recommend that u show flaws in a character. show the grey shades. show little bits of conflict. not like major plot, but different character dynamics which u can later make use ( or not). show what your mc is lacking and decide his character arc. it is fine if you show that he is a flat character, the one who doesn't changes but changes the whole world. but u can change his perspective slowly. u can also show that he becomes arrogance with power. which is realistic. try to make sure that mc doesn't become gary stu. no need to go too indepth. take it easy. but u can also borrow some elements from other stories too, to make it more interesting.
Navya_1803:Thank you for you review. I will try to use word which non- Indians would me more familiar with. About the issues you pointed out, I know that you are right and at some point I have also realized that. Right now I am trying to edit the previous chapter so that it doesn't seem that I have rushed the story. In the upcoming chapters I will slowly show how Karna is trying to bring changes. He will slowly try to change the society and face many problems during it. It may seem that Karna is not facing any problem in his life right now but don't worry I have decided something about it. I am just trying to create a base for the story first so that you all could connect mire with the characters. There will be a twist after the Panchal war so wait for that. I am trying to show that in life everything will go just fine and the suddenly all the problems will come. One will even not be able to realise how it all happened, same will happen with the Kuru family in this story. Thank you once again for reading this story and pointing out the mistakes.
also, the big problem u talked about, make sure u put hints of these. it shouldn't be like it came as an after thought.
Navya_1803:Thank you for you review. I will try to use word which non- Indians would me more familiar with. About the issues you pointed out, I know that you are right and at some point I have also realized that. Right now I am trying to edit the previous chapter so that it doesn't seem that I have rushed the story. In the upcoming chapters I will slowly show how Karna is trying to bring changes. He will slowly try to change the society and face many problems during it. It may seem that Karna is not facing any problem in his life right now but don't worry I have decided something about it. I am just trying to create a base for the story first so that you all could connect mire with the characters. There will be a twist after the Panchal war so wait for that. I am trying to show that in life everything will go just fine and the suddenly all the problems will come. One will even not be able to realise how it all happened, same will happen with the Kuru family in this story. Thank you once again for reading this story and pointing out the mistakes.