Review Detail of Illsar in God of Tricksters
Review detail
Overall I enjoy the story so far but I'm leaving this review here in hopes for providing some constructive criticism to help develop the authors writing skills. In no way is this an attack on the author themselves just me speaking my honest opinion. To start the world building elements employed and character development are phenomenal. However the dialog between characters is extremely bland and hollow with very little cohesion in most conversations. Many of the conversations that happen just feel like they're repeated several times over in a very dry manner. On top of that the timing of those conversations don't always make sense. (Spoilers for the next few sentences) The example I'll provide is when two of the characters are running for their lives and have finally had some semblance of safety, rather than talking about the situation itself they begin talking about something that has nothing to do with their current situation and even then the dialog is just dry showing very little emotion for the situationthey just survived. There are a few moments where the dialog between characters is fantastic and help progress the plot in a meaningful way without adding extraneous information. In those moments the novel shines through and compels me to keep reading but they're few and far between. Next is the constant information and exposition dump that happens regularly. Often times it's said to "show not tell". However most of the exposition is told and even then not very well. The exposition provided feels forced and unrealistic in a way that pulls me away from the immersion a novel like this is supposed to provide. (Spoilers ahead) A good example of this happening would be in a scene where two characters just finished a fight and rather than talking about the fight, or maybe even talking about how they might improve, their mistakes, etc; they instead talk about the wider world in a way that once again feels forced and out of place. There are quite a few grammatical and spelling errors within the text, however that's something I am more than able to look past as it is commonplace with many of the novels on this platform. The part that upsets me is this is a novel I really want to enjoy. The characters themselves are great. The concept is fantastic. Illusionists/trickster MCs are some of my favorites to read about. But with constantly being pulled from the immersion I can't force myself to continue reading it. Again I'm writing this review because I really do want to see this novel and the author improve. I would've liked to give this novel a 2.5/5 but due to how reviews work on this platform that wouldn't allow for a truthful review so 3.6 it is. If I come back to this at a later date and find that many of these things have been fixed, than I will change my review to reflect that. Overall 2.5/5 Best wishes to the author and here's to hoping I won't be attacked for my constructive criticism.
God of Tricksters
Fixten
Liked by 3 people
LIKEReplies4
Hi, thank you so much for your feedback. I am happy to hear that you like the world and character development and I understand your problem with the conversations. I thought that some random talks could help them think the situation is not that serious (or shouldn't be that serious to avoid being too tense and make a wrong choice.), but yeah, it can be seen that way too, so I will try to refrain from doing it continuously and focusing on the actual topic itself. As for the info dumps, I'm still struggling with it. And yeah, I have been editing it myself, but with daily updates, I can't read it several times, so I may miss several mistakes. Thank you for the feedback. Appreciate it. Peace. :)
I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my honest review. You definitely have talent in world building. I think if you continue as you are you will develop into a great writer. Just keep working at it.
Fixten:Hi, thank you so much for your feedback. I am happy to hear that you like the world and character development and I understand your problem with the conversations. I thought that some random talks could help them think the situation is not that serious (or shouldn't be that serious to avoid being too tense and make a wrong choice.), but yeah, it can be seen that way too, so I will try to refrain from doing it continuously and focusing on the actual topic itself. As for the info dumps, I'm still struggling with it. And yeah, I have been editing it myself, but with daily updates, I can't read it several times, so I may miss several mistakes. Thank you for the feedback. Appreciate it. Peace. :)
I forgot to say something with that earlier reply. If the message you want to get across is them attempting to downplay a situation or perhaps a way for them to cope in the situation they find themselves in add a few descriptors between lines of dialog.(Keep in mind I don't know your characters as well as you do so take this with a grain of salt) As an example 'As the two finally managed to triumph over insurmountable odds Alea with a wry smile looks to Theo "That wasn't so bad, just extra training." With his trademark deadpan expression and a light chuckle, "Nothing worse than what Master puts me through." ' By adding those few descriptors between dialog you convey exactly what it your trying to get across and develop the characters in the eyes of the reader in a much more natural way. What matters isn't always WHAT they say, rather HOW they say it. That technique applies to all conversations of any kind, whether they're negative or positive ones. Without them its harder for the reader to understand what the tone or message of the conversation is meant to convey. It doesn't have to be between every single line of dialog, but it does help to convey the message. With the above example being; two people who barely made it out of a life or death experience attempting to cope with how close they came to death and downplaying the scenario to do so. Again this is me attempting to help develop your potential as a writer and is no way an attack of any kind. I enjoyed the story as far as I read and I hope to see how much you improve over time. If you're interested I highly recommend looking up "Hello Future Me" on YouTube for writing advice. He's been extremely helpful towards me improving my writing skills over time. Specifically his "On Writing" and "On Worldbuilding" series. Best wishes and good luck.
Fixten:Hi, thank you so much for your feedback. I am happy to hear that you like the world and character development and I understand your problem with the conversations. I thought that some random talks could help them think the situation is not that serious (or shouldn't be that serious to avoid being too tense and make a wrong choice.), but yeah, it can be seen that way too, so I will try to refrain from doing it continuously and focusing on the actual topic itself. As for the info dumps, I'm still struggling with it. And yeah, I have been editing it myself, but with daily updates, I can't read it several times, so I may miss several mistakes. Thank you for the feedback. Appreciate it. Peace. :)
Illsar:I forgot to say something with that earlier reply. If the message you want to get across is them attempting to downplay a situation or perhaps a way for them to cope in the situation they find themselves in add a few descriptors between lines of dialog.(Keep in mind I don't know your characters as well as you do so take this with a grain of salt) As an example 'As the two finally managed to triumph over insurmountable odds Alea with a wry smile looks to Theo "That wasn't so bad, just extra training." With his trademark deadpan expression and a light chuckle, "Nothing worse than what Master puts me through." ' By adding those few descriptors between dialog you convey exactly what it your trying to get across and develop the characters in the eyes of the reader in a much more natural way. What matters isn't always WHAT they say, rather HOW they say it. That technique applies to all conversations of any kind, whether they're negative or positive ones. Without them its harder for the reader to understand what the tone or message of the conversation is meant to convey. It doesn't have to be between every single line of dialog, but it does help to convey the message. With the above example being; two people who barely made it out of a life or death experience attempting to cope with how close they came to death and downplaying the scenario to do so. Again this is me attempting to help develop your potential as a writer and is no way an attack of any kind. I enjoyed the story as far as I read and I hope to see how much you improve over time. If you're interested I highly recommend looking up "Hello Future Me" on YouTube for writing advice. He's been extremely helpful towards me improving my writing skills over time. Specifically his "On Writing" and "On Worldbuilding" series. Best wishes and good luck.