Review Detail of JadePanda003 in Otaku journey!
Review detail
It's a pretty good story. Frankly, you only have to work on your grammar and vocabulary and this will be a nicer book to read. However, it's not unreadable unlike other fanfictions in this platform. For the romance part of the story, I think that the relationship between the MC and the girls are progressing a bit too fast. The female leads are coming off as a choroine(easy to get heroine). Let's take for example, his relationship with Alice. You could have let atleast a few months pass before developing the relationship like that. Good looks does give a good impression but it's not everything there is in forming a bond. The first meeting could have progressed into something like a getting-to-know-each-other kinda format. I mean, which girl would just so easily enter a man's house, someone who she just met at that. Aside from those points, I really enjoyed my time reading this. I hope you could update this again, author. God bless and good luck in your future endeavours.
Otaku journey!
lazy_door
Liked by 3 people
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It's completely fine if you don't rewrite it. There's always room for growth after all. It's much better to see a novel/fanfiction improve than see it degrade as time goes by. Similar to you, I'm only starting to once again learn the ins and outs if writing a novel since its been over a year since I stopped writing entirely.
lazy_door:I completely agree with you, but I am already so reluctant to rewrite, so I will take this into account in my next books!
Also, based on experience, I think it would be great if you could proofread your chapters after writing it(before releasing it). I do this to my fanfiction multiple times. I tend to write my chapters on a .txt format before listening to it using the app called Prestigo eReader. It's a pretty effective way at spotting some surface level errors. Also, listening to your work makes you think of a few ways to change certain parts. It's like you're looking at your work in a reader's perspective.
lazy_door:I completely agree with you, but I am already so reluctant to rewrite, so I will take this into account in my next books!
