Review Detail of SolAce in The Devil and the Huntsman

A retelling of his past, a glimpse of the tragedy he remembers. That in itself is quite compelling, and while I do admit the chapters are a tad on the lengthy side, the plot still carries on nicely. However, there are a few issues I think I should address: 1. Grammar— While there isn’t many glaring mistakes, I’ve found that the verb tenses sometimes switch from present to past, which could be distracting. My solution would be to stick with one verb tense, preferably past since I’ve seen it written in that format mostly. Additionally, I found most of the sentences starting with either the name or the pronouns of people, like ‘he’, ‘she’, etc. Not that it is wrong in terms of grammar, but it doesn’t flow well in my opinion as well as you can shorten the sentences. My thoughts on how to improve is to either start with a noun of the idea or the object rather than the person most of the time. Also, exhibiting show and not tell is another way to express intentions without writing them. ( ex from chapter 4: “Lagertha looked at her mother and saw so much horror and loneliness on her face, and she could not tell her about her feelings.” [ and now to my revision ] “Lagertha gazed at her mother, whose distraught expression now exuded an aura of dismal loneliness. The words on the tip of the girl’s tongue were quickly forced down her throat, never to be heard of again. ) 2. Story Development: As I’ve added above, using show and not tell ( as in showing their micro expressions/ actions to convey what they are feeling ) is a great way to immerse the reader. This would, in my opinion, enhance the plot as well as maybe shorten additional details that could otherwise be taken out. As for the plot itself, I found it nice but the driving point, or the speciality defining only your book, felt somewhat weak to me from the start despite all the foreshadowing. Though, for this thought of mine, you can promptly ignore it. My opinion shouldn’t change your story; I only want to express my ideas and let you think about the rest. 3. Character Design: It didn’t have any major flaws, only that the interactions felt stiff and dialogue heavy. Like for example, his daughter replied with “Hey, father.” which struck me as sort of cold and didn’t reflect the close relationship they supposedly had. ( I may be misunderstanding, so if I am, I apologize. XD ) Because I would usually imagine a daughter to hug, welcoming her tired father or beaming with a smile, etc. Currently, there is a lot of chapters, and truthfully, most of the problems I listed above could have been recorrected already later in the story. If it has, then I would suggest looking back and revising the beginning chapters to improve readers’ first impressions. :3 Overall, I think there could be improvements, but do take my words with a grain of salt. There are plenty of better suggestions or inconsistencies in my words, so I hope you don’t get discouraged by this and continue to write ! Keep up the good work, Author !