Review Detail of Clone_v2 in God's Play(DISCONTINUED ROUGH DRAFT)

God's Play is the staggered beginnings of a charming adventure. What do I mean by this? In this review, I'll delve into the conclusion I reached above. I'll start with the good. The characters are utterly charming, the author has deftly utilised first-person narration to open up the world inside the mind of Reo Miyazaki (Subsequently to be referred to as the MC.) The hybrid of running commentary and physical direction works really well. Through the skill of writing, the author has managed to establish quickly in my mind, and I can only assume the mind of all the readers, the personality and particular quirks of each character he has currently introduced. This has the effect of rapidly creating affinity between the reader and the characters. To care about a story, you have to care about the characters. I recently dropped a webnovel because while I found the premise fascinating, the main character was as animated as rotting wood. Sure there may have been something interesting happening, but it was happening so slowly that I couldn't stay invested. Happily, God's play does not suffer from uninteresting blank slabs of characters. Further, to the author's credit, the premise itself is really interesting. The author has created a mystery within the prologue that while unexplained, creates excitement as to how it all ties in. The way in which the author alludes to the prologue without delving too far into it, within the main body of the work, builds anticipation for when the full picture is brought to light. The actual story is itself nothing to sneeze at. Reapers and Remnants, the lurking threat of the primordial Remnants... lets just say, it's all exciting stuff. So that's the good, where lies the bad? To the author's credit, the writing is easy to read, however it would benefit massively from proofreading and editing. I found a myraid of issues regarding tenses shifts, redundant words and phrases and clunky writing. Furthermore, the author falls for the easy trap of saying and not showing. Somewhat justified as the MC has some emotional problems, there are places where the MC does feel something, and it would be beneficial to illustrate them. The formatting of the work is sometimes baffling. It improves somewhat as the chapters progress, but the author creates new lines too frequently. Sometimes for each sentence of narration. Occasionally, I find the new lines add effects to the work, but far too often, I find it to be superfluous. My biggest issue with this work comes in the middle of Chapter 7 (The latest chapter available at this time) The author changes POV within the same chapter. While this can be achieved rather well if the author were utilising third-person narration, in the first-person, it's a major taboo. It lends itself to massive confusion. It should be avoided at all costs. It takes more planning, and world-building is more difficult, but first-person narration is an intentional limitation on the perspectives of characters who are not part of the main cast. In trying to reap the benefits of first-person narration as well as remove the restraints, the author created a confusing situation. My suggestion there would be to learn how to utilise the restraints of first-person narration as a strength. By utilising the restraints, you'll be able to surprise the reader along with the character the narration switches between. So my thoughts? God's play is utterly charming, it really is. I look forward to reading more as it continues. It is, however, far from what it could be. By honing their craft, the author can really turn this charming tale, into a masterpiece. The question is whether they're willing to put in the hard work that would take. Writing Quality: 3/5 Stability of Updates: 5/5 Story Development: 4/5 Character Design: 4/5 World Background: 5/5 Overall: 21/25 Pretty damn good.