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Review Detail of amaturewriter in Anime One piece, Naruto, Fairy Tail, in a modern cultivation world

Review detail

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv43yramaturewriter

What ruins ur story is your structure, ur sentences all start in different lines like one half of the sentence is not continued in the same line but instead a different one. this just makes it hard to understand especially since the dialogues half the time are separated but continued with the ' story '. I suggest fixing this with Grammarly. the story concept is interesting from what I managed to comprehend. And OG world with cultivation elements [ clans and shit like the SI MC being a person that got kicked out ] with ff shit and an SI MC. But the MC jumping from a dragon into the tournament and doing attacks out of now where? why? Its like those cultivation protags, so stupid. Also your world background [ BG ] is non existent. for stories like yours BG is what makes it interesting but its left out, you just state theres energy and its like a wuxia world and thats it. no in-depth exploration. Also it seems to be a harem seeking protag style. Chicks see MC is so OP and Hot, and done, in the bag. The MC using special attacks and unique skills and no one caring or questioning em. the MC antagonizing people and doing ' cool ' shit. this retarded considering he was kicked out by his family and he is alone with no backing. overall its a SELF wish fulfillment wuxia style protag. thats barely illegible. really suggest you atleast fix basic grammar [ cause its similar in all major languages ] and explore your world more.

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Anime One piece, Naruto, Fairy Tail, in a modern cultivation world

Barkhant

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Replies6

Barkhant
BarkhantAuthorBarkhant

Ninguna mujer escoge como su pareja a un chico feo, gordo y sin dinero, ya debería saber que siempre se vuelven locas por los Alfas, soy nuevo, ni siquiera soy escritor, usted debería saber que esta página acepta quien esté dispuesto a publicar algo y difícilmente encontrara buenos trabajos o trabajos que se terminaran, solo escribo por que el covid no me dejaba trabajar, yo laboro en la playa, un restaurante, quien no conoce que los cultivadores son ambiciosos, eso es culpa de las novelas chinas que leo XD, todos son codiciosos. La akuma no mi existe, solo que el dueño es un mapache sin mucho cerebro no es mi invento, solo describo el potencial que podría sacarle a la fruta. La profundidad no es necesaria ahora mismo, conforme incrementen los capítulos debería solucionarse.

Barkhant
BarkhantAuthorBarkhant

Ninguna mujer escoge como su pareja a un chico feo, gordo y sin dinero, ya debería saber que siempre se vuelven locas por los Alfas, soy nuevo, ni siquiera soy escritor, usted debería saber que esta página acepta quien esté dispuesto a publicar algo y difícilmente encontrara buenos trabajos o trabajos que se terminaran, solo escribo por que el covid no me dejaba trabajar, yo laboro en la playa, un restaurante, quien no conoce que los cultivadores son ambiciosos, eso es culpa de las novelas chinas que leo XD, todos son codiciosos. La akuma no mi existe, solo que el dueño es un mapache sin mucho cerebro no es mi invento, solo describo el potencial que podría sacarle a la fruta. La profundidad no es necesaria ahora mismo, conforme incrementen los capítulos debería solucionarse.

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4amaturewriter

The way you have written your story, theres no character development or growth. Alpha is alpha, but bad CD is bad CD. your MC just gives out shit for no reason and the chicks just like him. And you saying depth is not necessary is wrong considering that is a major part of your bk. its what should be explored first. And theres the other shit I mentioned. in the end its your bk. u do u. as I said before, they were suggestions only

Barkhant:Ninguna mujer escoge como su pareja a un chico feo, gordo y sin dinero, ya debería saber que siempre se vuelven locas por los Alfas, soy nuevo, ni siquiera soy escritor, usted debería saber que esta página acepta quien esté dispuesto a publicar algo y difícilmente encontrara buenos trabajos o trabajos que se terminaran, solo escribo por que el covid no me dejaba trabajar, yo laboro en la playa, un restaurante, quien no conoce que los cultivadores son ambiciosos, eso es culpa de las novelas chinas que leo XD, todos son codiciosos. La akuma no mi existe, solo que el dueño es un mapache sin mucho cerebro no es mi invento, solo describo el potencial que podría sacarle a la fruta. La profundidad no es necesaria ahora mismo, conforme incrementen los capítulos debería solucionarse.
LOLRIP
LOLRIPLv3LOLRIP

Bruh, why did you have to systematically fold this man like that? Bro was just trying to write something and you were like "I'm about to end this mans whole career" lmao

amaturewriter:The way you have written your story, theres no character development or growth. Alpha is alpha, but bad CD is bad CD. your MC just gives out shit for no reason and the chicks just like him. And you saying depth is not necessary is wrong considering that is a major part of your bk. its what should be explored first. And theres the other shit I mentioned. in the end its your bk. u do u. as I said before, they were suggestions only
amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4amaturewriter

i am not trying to fold him. I am trying to help him. ignore all points I've listed. his structure is horrible. sentences are in two lines, same with dialogues and all clashed with each other and not separated. if he fixes it his story would be better

LOLRIP:Bruh, why did you have to systematically fold this man like that? Bro was just trying to write something and you were like "I'm about to end this mans whole career" lmao
kuma304
kuma304Lv4kuma304

nay, people like him is actually good, and in to the point, if you can't take like that author can't move forward being good, at least he not a jerk, like oh...this ff not good, MC is shit, not tell what he Mean shit, and tell the people not to read because he not like' it , i see many review like that, and this guy is not one of them, and i quite like his review, if you have been long enough in webnovel, you can see him review in many ff

LOLRIP:Bruh, why did you have to systematically fold this man like that? Bro was just trying to write something and you were like "I'm about to end this mans whole career" lmao