Review Detail of Willian_Humildad in Dragon Ball Saga: Conquest -REWRITTEN-

Endless_Crow:Thank you for the review. You brought forth some interesting points, though I find most of your points invalid. You make far too many assumptions, most likely based off the fact that you personally would not have written it that way. Firstly, character development is something that happens over the course of a written work. My character is only 10, not to mention, I only have 26 chapters out. Secondly, the MC was barely conscious on [Planet Vegeta], so I don't really understand what your looking for there. Thirdly, if your looking to know everything about a character within the first few chapter's, then you won't find that in any fan-fic. That said, I hear you. I will go back when I have time and see about adding in a better description of MC's personality. As for why he wants his own empire, well, that was described in chapter one. Fourthly, his time on [Planet Yardrat] was well described, including his reasons for going there. One reason WAS to learn [Ki Control], it was one of the first things he learned there actually. As for my story not being good, I disagree. You are entitled to your own opinion, though. As for the plot holes you mentioned, there are very little, as the fic is just getting started. And not to be mean, but did you really read my fan-fic. From some of the points you listed, I personally find it hard to believe. Seeing how much you overlooked, it seems more like you skimmed through it. Also, bear in mind, I am NOT a professional writer. I am doing this to improve. While I appreciate your review, make sure your constructive with your criticism next time. When you express your opinion in a negative manner without offering VALID reasons for it, you don't help, you hinder. Maybe this will help in the future. > > > > Definition of Constructive criticism: Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others , usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.

Endless_Crow:Thank you for the review. You brought forth some interesting points, though I find most of your points invalid. You make far too many assumptions, most likely based off the fact that you personally would not have written it that way. Firstly, character development is something that happens over the course of a written work. My character is only 10, not to mention, I only have 26 chapters out. Secondly, the MC was barely conscious on [Planet Vegeta], so I don't really understand what your looking for there. Thirdly, if your looking to know everything about a character within the first few chapter's, then you won't find that in any fan-fic. That said, I hear you. I will go back when I have time and see about adding in a better description of MC's personality. As for why he wants his own empire, well, that was described in chapter one. Fourthly, his time on [Planet Yardrat] was well described, including his reasons for going there. One reason WAS to learn [Ki Control], it was one of the first things he learned there actually. As for my story not being good, I disagree. You are entitled to your own opinion, though. As for the plot holes you mentioned, there are very little, as the fic is just getting started. And not to be mean, but did you really read my fan-fic. From some of the points you listed, I personally find it hard to believe. Seeing how much you overlooked, it seems more like you skimmed through it. Also, bear in mind, I am NOT a professional writer. I am doing this to improve. While I appreciate your review, make sure your constructive with your criticism next time. When you express your opinion in a negative manner without offering VALID reasons for it, you don't help, you hinder. Maybe this will help in the future. > > > > Definition of Constructive criticism: Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others , usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.

Willian_Humildad:well I have a question .... do you know that the heart disease that goku suffered is something that is acquired on the planet yardrat? It took goku a few years to acquire it because his body was strong at least more than the MC ... after all he was a full-fledged *****, now your character is a child ok ... also he's not that powerful , I imagine you do not know about this ... or else, I would not go to an imminent death, the disease is canon

Willian_Humildad:mmmm hahaha I read to a point then browse ... well I'll review pss as I told you this was a pending review

Endless_Crow:It is actually a question a lot of people have asked and something I addressed in the comments section. Your right, the disease is indeed canon, but where Goku contracted it, is not. At first glance, it seems a logical conclusion that it came from [Planet Yardrat], but it was never confirmed. Personally, I think Goku contracted the heart disease when [Planet Namek] was falling apart around him. Frieza was fine thanks to his race, which can survive just about anywhere, including space. Think about it, inhaling all that dust and such, who would that not make sick. Anyway, I'll think about adding it to the story. Thanks for commenting.

Willian_Humildad:Actually it was confirmed, the old man who allowed goku to learn with them, dies some time later, from the illness that goku had .. well basically he gave it to him, and dies some time after goku left ... this one it would be a hole in the plot

Endless_Crow:Goku learned [Instant Transmission] (an extension of the [Spirit Control] technique) from Elder Pybara, who was still alive in [Dragon Ball Super]. He also taught Vegeta [Spirit Control] during the [Galactic Patrol Prisoner Saga], which logically speaking, would mean that Vegeta should have gotten sick too. To be fair though, that was only mentioned later, in the [Dragon Ball Super] manga. It was not mentioned in [Dragon Ball Z]. DBZ only mentioned that Goku learned it from the Yardratians, no mention was made beyond that. As for it being contagious, that was just Piccolo's guess. It was NOT confirmed. Personally, I agree with Piccolo though, better safe than sorry, right?

Endless_Crow:Goku learned [Instant Transmission] (an extension of the [Spirit Control] technique) from Elder Pybara, who was still alive in [Dragon Ball Super]. He also taught Vegeta [Spirit Control] during the [Galactic Patrol Prisoner Saga], which logically speaking, would mean that Vegeta should have gotten sick too. To be fair though, that was only mentioned later, in the [Dragon Ball Super] manga. It was not mentioned in [Dragon Ball Z]. DBZ only mentioned that Goku learned it from the Yardratians, no mention was made beyond that. As for it being contagious, that was just Piccolo's guess. It was NOT confirmed. Personally, I agree with Piccolo though, better safe than sorry, right?

Willian_Humildad:Well, vegeta can be 2 things, good is what people think 1) As you pass a strength threshold, things like diseases no longer have an effect on you ... I mean guys who can destroy galaxies, solar systems ... disease is unlikely to affect them, their body will develop immunity to this 2) the divine ki, made them able to breathe in space, I do not know if you have realized it but basically now they can do it ... when they obtain such a thing as a disease it becomes useless in them. psdt: the guy I'm talking about is another ok

Willian_Humildad:forget what I said, I read that a LONG time ago !! I don't even know where he went ... and it doesn't really matter, but if you think about it, it's pretty obvious ... the only planet where goku was was in yardrat ... he stayed to heal from his injuries and later became interested in his Techniques from there went straight to earth ...

Endless_Crow:You could be right. But... so could I. That's why I said it's my 'personal opinion'. Nevertheless, the fact is, until Toriyama himself makes it canon, it's all just fan theories. The only reason I think that he contracted it on [Planet Namek], is that Goku and Frieza were the only two there when the whole world went bye-bye. That and the fact that no one else fell ill from the virus, including the Yardratians and the other [Z-Fighters].

Willian_Humildad:Mine wins by popular thought ... your MC will die is obvious ... will resort to the efforts or ah some breed of shit that can cure him