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Review Detail of Fertu in Pansy Parkinson - doing it right this time -

Review detail

Fertu
FertuLv43yrFertu

Honestly, a very strange and illogical novel. It started out not bad, a bit of a slow burn for my tastes, but okay. Then it went downhill very fast. MC's sudden erratic behaviour, strange mood swings, not to mention that she acts like she's permamently 6 years old, not almost 30. This "Daddy abandoned me, now I'm depressed" move would work if she was and original character who is actually 6 years old, but she should basically consider him a familiar stranger, since he's always at work and she was almost a grown up in her past life. To understand what their relationship should look like, imagine you have a neighbor at home who comes from work late and with whom you just exchange few polite phrases. That's what their relationship basically should be at best, since he's a bigoted nazi who decides her life for a foreseeable future to her and she's a little brat to him. And why would her father suddenly decide "Okay, it's been 6 years since my wife died, f*ck my daugher, let's mourn!"? Who actually does that? It doesn't work like that - he either should drop her at the beginning and grieve, or don't drop her at all, or what's the point of all those father-daugther bonding scenes? Maybe if there was conflict with a new wife or smth it would be more believable, but it's dramatic nonsense otherwise. And the last, but not the least - what the heck is happening with story pace? It is slowburn with character development at first, and then *BAM* DRAMATIC TIMESKIP!! Story seems not very well thought out honestly, like every chapter and plot development depend on author's current mood during writing and there's no general plan at all.

Pansy Parkinson - doing it right this time -

Timis

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Replies5

Fertu
FertuLv4Fertu

Yeah, sorry if my comment felt a bit toxic. I was just a bit upset at the sudden drama in your novel, but I genuinely tried to point inconsistencies.

Timis:Sorry, you felt that way but thank you for the feedback! :) I will try my best to Improve :))
Timis
TimisAuthorTimis

Sorry, you felt that way but thank you for the feedback! :) I will try my best to Improve :))

Timis
TimisAuthorTimis

NO! no need to apologize! I really appreciate it, I can only improve my writing if I get feedback, and at the time it I was like awe they didn't love it :(. BUT then I looked back at it and adapted the feedback after all, I cannot improve without it :) I truly appreciate your comment, one tip tho: other authors might feel discouraged instead of encouraged (not me) so when pointing out inconsistencies do it in a more constructive way :) but for me it was fine <333

Fertu:Yeah, sorry if my comment felt a bit toxic. I was just a bit upset at the sudden drama in your novel, but I genuinely tried to point inconsistencies.
Timis
TimisAuthorTimis

No Worries!!

Fertu:Yeah, sorry if my comment felt a bit toxic. I was just a bit upset at the sudden drama in your novel, but I genuinely tried to point inconsistencies.
Skepparn
SkepparnLv14Skepparn

Did the story continue that way? I read up to ch 12 and dropped and found the story updated and wanted to see again if it was decent or not