Review Detail of DaisukiDayoSenpai in A Thousand Secret Kisses
Review detail
With only one chapter, it's hard to give it a solid review. Well, you got a strong start for a romance level, albeit being super cliche in their meeting. I could also tell that there's some fantasy involved in the book so that's something to look forward to as well. As I said, it's hard to give a review with only one chapter. ML's name doesn't sit quite right with me, probably by how common the name Daniel and the surname Kim is. I've seen it in countless books and I probably got tired of it. Still, it's just my personal preference so don't mind it that much. Also, punishment for secretly eating and not joining a club is too severe for a normal school. I'd say put a more concrete reason so she had to attend club no matter what. It could be an accident, or suddenly breaking something, or maybe disrespecting the principal... I don't know, but something that light doesn't deserve a punishment of that severity. That said, there are little to no issues in your book since it's just the first chapter. Although if you're planning to make this a series, I'd suggest using past or past perfect tenses for your verbs. There are books that use simple present tense and successful ones at that like Hunger games trilogy but it's hard to keep it consistent. You don't have to change it since it's fine as it is, but keep in mind that it will get harder the longer you write. Those are just my two cents though. Still, the first chapter is off on a good start. There are always things to improve on though. :) And as I always say, anyone can write, but those who take a step forward is already a cut above others. Keep writing and your efforts won't go in vain. Keep it up, author! ^o^
A Thousand Secret Kisses
nessiaart
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Hey! I really love your honesty, thank you for this. On that note: 1.I do understand the wariness of common names, and I considered it too. But the name at that moment felt right. It just stuck with me. I hope at some point I can come up with more unique names. There is always room for growth! 2. The thing is, Emilie has not attended clubs for 3 years and she was caught not attending the last one. She was being punished for cookies, though that didn't help, she was punished for not attending clubs. This is her way of making up for the missed sessions. I may have to review this chapter again for not making this clear enough. I'm really sorry. 3. Thank you for the note on the tense of the writing. I considered going back to past tense but I wanted to feel as if a new adventure came up everyday instead of telling a story that had already taken place. Something like a diary. Thank you again for your review and I'll take into consideration everything you have said❤
No worries ^ ^ Good luck on your writing journey! And yeah, those are just suggestions so you don't really have to follow them to the letter ^ ^ Have an awesome day!
nessiaart:Hey! I really love your honesty, thank you for this. On that note: 1.I do understand the wariness of common names, and I considered it too. But the name at that moment felt right. It just stuck with me. I hope at some point I can come up with more unique names. There is always room for growth! 2. The thing is, Emilie has not attended clubs for 3 years and she was caught not attending the last one. She was being punished for cookies, though that didn't help, she was punished for not attending clubs. This is her way of making up for the missed sessions. I may have to review this chapter again for not making this clear enough. I'm really sorry. 3. Thank you for the note on the tense of the writing. I considered going back to past tense but I wanted to feel as if a new adventure came up everyday instead of telling a story that had already taken place. Something like a diary. Thank you again for your review and I'll take into consideration everything you have said❤