Review Detail of Nunya in TDG:DIVINE KINGDOM (OLD VERSION)

My biggest issue with the writing quality. These run-on sentences are killing me. Speech and thoughts both use quotation marks, this is EXTREMELY confusing. The rest of the story is fine... it's the writing quality that really stops me from wanting to keep going. Oh, I don't understand the point of the first chapter, so I'm assuming it was for a badge/achievement. Stop that...