Review Detail of mrmrcia in In another life, I would be a zombie

Alyssa was quite tenacious of rejecting Ziloh's friendship/advances at first, then she uses him for the duel for the title of crown prince. We love a crafty queen. I adore Kiva for being the ever-loyal best friend of Alyssa. She better scold Ziloh on the princess' behalf. Also, Queen Kathy is a badass. She should straighten up that conniving King. If I may be presumptuous, the dialogues doesn't really relay the feeling that they're royals or part of the aristocracy, to the point that they seem complacent. I think it's just my preference, but I would like to be more formal? Withal, don't mind me, it's only my preference. The specifics of turning into a zombie is still unclear, so I hope that there will be a chapter dedicated to revealing its history and ritual. You take your time in narrating each scene, and I appreciate that very much. A wordy passage is a lot more endearing than one that is lacking. Although, I noticed some questionable word choices (i.e. slum** -> slums) and misuse/absence of punctuation marks that leads to run-ons/comma splices. However, bear in mind that these grammar mistakes doesn't affect your plot. I just pointed them out to show you that your work could look even more beautiful. The pacing is as moderate as it could get, I have no qualms about it. I could just imagine Ziloh being a Hyper Zombie from the Resident Evil. He will win in the duel (pretty please). Overall, your setting is a whole new world in itself. Please be confident when I say that you're a good writer. I'll be cheering you on!