Review Detail of Iberisdiablo in My Vampire System

Let's start with the writing quality. The arrangement of the entire novel can be summed as this -middle school writing. Grammer is lacking in each chapter. The lack of proofreading is evident and each chapter feels as if the writer is posting immediately after finishing. Sentences lack flow and the tenses are mixed up several times. An effort to increase the repertoire of the English language could help with that as well as learning sentence structure. For updates, bribing people to pay power stones for shorter chapters leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not quite sure, but I do believe you could combine 3 chapters into 1 and equal a normal chapter anywhere else. Also in terms of content, the story has pacing problems and immersion issues. I am constantly being told information when the writer could use context clues and character dialogue. Or even in story events and responses. Which leads to character design. The side characters are bland and lack character. Some are infuriating and others are bland. The plot has several holes. Why is system so unhelpful? Is a personality really necessary? The school legitimately makes less sense the longer I read. Mass drug use and suicides should be through the roof in an environment like this one. Not to mention Quinn himself. The boy has been abused, abandoned, and ostracized for how long now? Whatever length of time it was he lacks any real mental trauma or issues. Not even to mention how he isn't desperately trying to avoid being in a lower position. His choices seem to be the those made by a sheltered person. Someone who doesn't know the world around him. Kind of like how I still barely understand the world or even the school. Things are barely described and the explanations feel like I'm reading a manual. Suffice to say while the potential of this story might seem great, the not so small number of problems plaguing this story makes it difficult to give a favorable review. Maybe in the future when the writer improves his mastery.