Review Detail of Jin_Daoran in Mine is the Kingdom

The beginning has great emotion, large impact, which is excellent. But the style of writing takes away from it. The first chapters flip between present tense and past tense narration that it's dizzying. The narrative POV is all over the place, sometimes I can't tell if it's Noraya or Macrena who is thinking. Please stick to one POV character per scene. The grammar's a bit iffy here and there, but understandable enough. Nothing a good editor can't help with. The premise is interesting: a god-queen from a fantastical society is made to deal with modern day Earth. Though with psychics. Putting a queen in modern day peaceful Canada is going to be explosive, I hope. Is this going to go like Jadis of Charn terrorizing the shops of London? A thought though... they say Canadians are polite. The character of Noraya comes across to me as irritatingly rude. I like the idea of her character, a psychic who meets a god-queen and they have adventures and misunderstandings all over the city -- it's great, haha! But the execution is...yeah, I don't like her. Not to mention, would a god-queen of the furious and majestic character that the first few chapters already showed us really let a psychic mortal, even if it is someone she needs for her goals, drag her around like such without protest? There are limits to even noblesse oblige. I do in fact want to see someone drag the great and powerful Macrena about the city willy nilly. Just a little more exciting and more comedic. There are some great landmarks in Toronto, Macrena praising or disdaining a couple could be funny. Just an idea. Or her wanting to see something but is restrained by her tour guide Noraya's need to earn money or go do mundane stuff that has to be done and cannot be put off, like pay bills. This reviewer would like to see some comparison between the notions of propriety in the two societies. I mean, it's Canada. Also, more comparison and contrast between Akijam and Toronto (and Earth in general) would be excellent. What does Macrena think of what she sees and hears that is common in modern society but uncommon where she comes from? The author used an actual language for the incantations? Dedication, I love it. In conclusion, the ideas are excellent, but the writing style and grammar needs some work. Your creativity is impressive, dear author! Don't let learning about scenes and POV and the boring stuff stop you from writing. Keep on writing, keep on reading! Every page written and every page read is a step on the journey to a better writer.