Review Detail of afire190 in Throne of Steam

I feel there is a good deal of promise here. I feel a real Lord of the Mysteries vibe from this work, which can, if the author uses it well, be a great background for a story. One criticism regarding writing technique is that the author continuously switches between first and third person from sentence to sentence. It's important to stick to one or the other. If a statement is an internal monologue or thought, it should be demarcated as such in some way, either with quotes or perhaps italics.