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Review Detail of Chryiss in The Ancient Genes

Review detail

Chryiss
ChryissLv54yrChryiss

To be bluntly honest and direct, the rating of 3 about sums up my opinion of this story—it’s average. After reading through 9 chapters, I wasn’t impressed nor was I repulsed. Just neutral. This story is like a skeleton that has a lot of room for improvement. It’s the basic litrpg story notion without much differentiation from any other litrpg’s. Writing Quality: Average Update Stability: Great Story Development: Below Average Character Design: Below Average World Background: Average Firstly, writing. Your English grammar is actually quite fair. No obvious awkward phrasings to note with verb tenses mainly correct. My only qualm is the punctuation. Several sentences need commas badly to make the syntax correct. And the spaces before and after commas and quotations is seriously bugging me. This is a personal little “itch” of mine whenever I see those incorrect spaces. It just doesn’t make for a pleasant reading experience. Writing style wise, it’s basically nonexistent. But as I’ve said to others, writing style is a work in a progress that develops the more you write. But your story can definitely benefit from more detail, emotion, and vocabulary. Currently, this is written as a basic web serial. Story development and character design. The first chapter was confusing. I think you made a typo with Mark Edwinson instead of Max. The repeated going to the awakening ceremony was confusing and not very engaging. It didn’t add anything to the story when you could’ve jumped right to the issuing of the gene system. All that failed awakening info can just be part of the background story for the MC. The story also drags with no much interesting conflict. I can’t see where the plot is going except for getting stronger. I understand many litrpgs are like this, but usually there is still some motivating goal for the MC to become powerful. So far, the MC doesn’t demonstrate any individuality or personality. This is further emphasized by the first person narrative. Stay away from first person narrative. It can easily get messy and confusing if you ever switch perspectives. And the principle reason for using first person is to deliver any in-depth view or insight into the speaker. This was not accomplished. In fact, you could’ve easily made this story in third person, and nothing would be lost. If you want first person, then you’ll need to improve on the narrative thought process. What does the MC feel and think? How does his actions confirm or contradict his inner thoughts? What’s his inner perspective that might not be outwardly expressed? This is what first person narrative should be used for conveying. A short bit to add onto character and writing. Instead of using caps to convey shouting, just use regular text and say that he’s shouting, like: “Damn it!” He/I shouted vehemently. Caps is unnerving and not pleasant to read. Only save caps for crucial moments and not for general shouting or cursing. Some story dialogue is unnecessary. Only include what is integral to the plot and reader’s comprehension. Not every spoken word by every character is needed. Think plot-first, what does this dialogue achieve for the story? Does it convey more of a character’s personality is besides what’s know? Does it spur forth anything conflict or reveal something important? World background is okay. Not much is described of the settings; the system details in place are sufficient though. Be careful of having too many numbers where your story becomes mainly stat screens and skills information. Plot first, always. In short, you have a lot of room for improvement, but you have the necessary English skills to back up what could become a very good story. Keep writing~!

altalt

The Ancient Genes

ReincarnatedSaint

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Replies23

RafaelMitz
RafaelMitzLv3RafaelMitz

This is an excellent review. Wise words that help both the author and readers see certain things that make a story better. I will enter closed cultivation to process your teachings.

ReincarnatedSaint
ReincarnatedSaintAuthorReincarnatedSaint

Thanks you have just given me a way to take a step ahead

Chryiss
ChryissLv5Chryiss

You’re welcome. I can’t claim that I’m right about everything in writing. However, I do know that having your open attitude on writing and feedback is going to get you far~ ^^

ReincarnatedSaint:Thanks you have just given me a way to take a step ahead
Audio_Coon
Audio_CoonLv3Audio_Coon

wow amigo, jajaja, buen comentario y muy buenos consejos, como esta en publico los tomare tambien, pues pienso escribir mi historia pronto, muchas gracias.

Audio_Coon
Audio_CoonLv3Audio_Coon

espero entiendas el spanish XD

k0001c99
k0001c99Lv4k0001c99

It's quite harsh to judge story development, character design and world background after reading just 9 chapters.

Cawcaw
CawcawLv4Cawcaw

If the first few chapter aren’t eye catching while keeping the readers attention it probably wouldn’t do well.

k0001c99:It's quite harsh to judge story development, character design and world background after reading just 9 chapters.
k0001c99
k0001c99Lv4k0001c99

So what?

Cawcaw:If the first few chapter aren’t eye catching while keeping the readers attention it probably wouldn’t do well.
Cawcaw
CawcawLv4Cawcaw

If you can’t understand such a simple concept then you’re probably too retarded to get what 1+1 is.

k0001c99:So what?
k0001c99
k0001c99Lv4k0001c99

So what?

Cawcaw:If you can’t understand such a simple concept then you’re probably too retarded to get what 1+1 is.
ReincarnatedSaint
ReincarnatedSaintAuthorReincarnatedSaint

yeah sure

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ReincarnatedSaint
ReincarnatedSaintAuthorReincarnatedSaint

No....he won't forgive someone for killing him.....doesnt roll over for women.... Beast companion...you can say that.....its a bit complicated though.....subordinates...not of yet....its more like a team... I don't know how much u read....but in the beginning he is just a weak teenage who complains about everything...and it takes time as he slowly experiences and right now...he is strong...

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ReincarnatedSaint
ReincarnatedSaintAuthorReincarnatedSaint

And ruthless enemies....nah.....u will know if u read....the story is directed towards one direction....their is only one aim and MC works towards it...

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Mr_Imagination
Mr_ImaginationLv2Mr_Imagination

I'm not a expert at this field but I really hate it when skills got crammed. It's boring to pay attention to so many skills. My advice is that if the skills are getting crammed just evolve it using mixture of skills.

Neigh0
Neigh0Lv13Neigh0

Does this Novel has Romance? Harem? Much Drama? or Tragedy?

ReincarnatedSaint:And ruthless enemies....nah.....u will know if u read....the story is directed towards one direction....their is only one aim and MC works towards it...
Neigh0
Neigh0Lv13Neigh0

Many Times are the Tags on the Synopsis not all Tag's/Genres. Already read a few Novel, where Tags were Missing, even if the Story has such Genre.

Garret
GarretLv6Garret

A very good objective review. Thank you

_Matheus_
_Matheus_Lv1_Matheus_

Wow, thank you for your review, it will really help if someday i start a story.

DaoistIGxnqj
DaoistIGxnqjLv1DaoistIGxnqj

You ok

Alex_Guetta
Alex_GuettaLv13Alex_Guetta

Good review🥂

_ReAdEr_
_ReAdEr_Lv3_ReAdEr_

If you say so I will try to read it, because from what you said he doesn't seem a dickhead MC with a harem.

ReincarnatedSaint:No....he won't forgive someone for killing him.....doesnt roll over for women.... Beast companion...you can say that.....its a bit complicated though.....subordinates...not of yet....its more like a team... I don't know how much u read....but in the beginning he is just a weak teenage who complains about everything...and it takes time as he slowly experiences and right now...he is strong...