Review Detail of Annoying_Drunkard in Retarded Isekai
Review detail
For a one-shot(at the time I posted this review) This is great, with the only problems being the r-18 scenes (meh), and some spelling mistakes, but overall, an interesting concept.
Retarded Isekai
Umhmm
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Sometimes R-18 scenes are necessary to both the emotional level and plot level, I am talking about the quality. I would rate it like 4 out of 10 due to the 2 reasons. The first reason is that the quality is about average, I mean, I fapped to stuff with worse qualities then yours. The Main reason why I said the R-18 was meh, was because its to short to make an impact, before you know it, he already came. It came to a point where, you could’ve not included the R-18 scene, and the story would be the same as before.
Umhmm:ano are the r-18 scenes unnecessary in your opinion? or are they generally good and I am bad at writing them?
In short, Less action means less impact. Sure it helps build the MC’s character, but you could’ve just say about his deeds in a short paragraph, and gain the same impact as before.
Annoying_Drunkard:Sometimes R-18 scenes are necessary to both the emotional level and plot level, I am talking about the quality. I would rate it like 4 out of 10 due to the 2 reasons. The first reason is that the quality is about average, I mean, I fapped to stuff with worse qualities then yours. The Main reason why I said the R-18 was meh, was because its to short to make an impact, before you know it, he already came. It came to a point where, you could’ve not included the R-18 scene, and the story would be the same as before.
The R-18 scene failed at what I call, my “three core reason” for R-18 -Pleasure -Emotional Progression -Plot Progression The R-18 scene was too short to be for the reason of pleasure. The police officer jumped on his D for no logical reason, and since it was at offical chapter 1, it can not be for emotional progression. The scene could be taken out, and the story would be the same, so not plot progression.
Annoying_Drunkard:In short, Less action means less impact. Sure it helps build the MC’s character, but you could’ve just say about his deeds in a short paragraph, and gain the same impact as before.
-If you were writing this for pleasure, at least make it longer, so people (and their bodie)s have time to react, because the quality is okay -If you want it to be emotional, or have emotional progression, you could write more of how they were feeling at the moment (of course don’t simplify it [I mean you could but eh]) -If you what plot progression, you can go two ways. You could make so at least one of the characters change, even if its a little, like a bit more courage for example. You could also have it so that one of them gains something from the R-18 scene, like a key that only goes to the husband of [blank] or something like that
Annoying_Drunkard:-If you were writing this for pleasure, at least make it longer, so people (and their bodie)s have time to react, because the quality is okay -If you want it to be emotional, or have emotional progression, you could write more of how they were feeling at the moment (of course don’t simplify it [I mean you could but eh]) -If you what plot progression, you can go two ways. You could make so at least one of the characters change, even if its a little, like a bit more courage for example. You could also have it so that one of them gains something from the R-18 scene, like a key that only goes to the husband of [blank] or something like that