Review Detail of GloriousRightFoot in Babel
Review detail
I intend for this novel to be practice. Let me know what you think, so long as it is constructive and beneficial to the progression of the story. Updates will be one chapter per day, so long as there aren't a bunch of bored assholes pestering and raging in the comments section just because they are bored.
Babel
GloriousRightFoot
Liked by 33 people
LIKEReplies14
You’re a great author Ein, so naturally the story will be good. To make it great however there are things to be done, but that is just my opinion so take what I’m saying as motivation because I’ll be reading your work regardless. 1) He reminds me too much of Vahn. And that isn’t exactly good regardless of the fact of wether or not I read EPIC. Both of them suffered greatly, Both of them are inherently good, Both of them were passive...etc. The reason I’m annoyed is that Lin’s character is truly a far stretch from his experience. I don’t want a villain but Lin keeps rambling about not wanting to live at the expense of others when he has been doing so all his life. Each time he stole or simply tried to survive as shown when the vulna woman became a harlot simply because of a rat chase. The same goes to killing. Yes he was forced to kill, steal and do other things that he doesn’t like doing BUT these were all necessary things he HAD to do. At this point he should understand the fact that while indeed killing isn’t exactly the greatest way to get by but each and every other person in the tower should have come to terms with the fact that they can die at the hands of other people and this was a shared risk they all took to reach their respective goals. When both parties understand that they are enemies it is simply foolish to do what he does despite the harsh environment he lived in the slums that should have taught him better. All in all, while I don’t like his character much but there is room to fix these issues in his character development but *PLEASE DON’T HAVE HIM SAY CHEESY LINES* Vahn is more than in enough in that department, plus the fact it will be quite a turnoff in this dark world and can spoil the setting a bit as the story progresses in the MC’s point of view. 2) This story is a dark one, at least it is supposed to be as far as I can tell. So Ein, do not shy away from tragedies as they are necessary but at the same time don’t put too much drama in the story as too much of anything isn’t really good at all. So please make sure to balance the story well and it is my opinion that this story has more potential than EPIC, but potential is only that until it is realized so do your best~! Your fan Monjoe.
Impassive:This I a great start. Having experience from your first novel It seems to n heading in a very interesting direction from the start