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Review Detail of Jspindlewood in Re: Sword Emperor(old)

Review detail

Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv45yrJspindlewood

Boring novel, the MC comes off as an obsessive compulsive that has nothing better to do. He has no great big grudge or ambition to give reason for doing what he does...other than psychological addiction to gaming. He just can't convince me that playing video games is important, which makes everything seem meaningless and have no stakes. All the other MMORPG novels gives some reason why gaming is important, and what he does in game will somehow impact the real world. The flaw of this novel is lack of understanding of this particular sub-genre.

Re: Sword Emperor(old)

Yorth

Liked it!

LIKE

Replies15

Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

You read until chapter 7, I don't understand how you could make the judgment that there is no reason for the MC to play the game. Should the MC conveniently think to himself 'Kevin! I swear in this life I will beat you!', or something like that to make the stakes higher? It seems a little bit disingenuous to me for you to make this kind of statement when you have only read until the character creation part.

Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

Characters should always have a reason for doing the thing that they are going to spent the majority of the novel doing. For example, in Hunger Games, Katness hunts because if she didn't she and her family will starve. That's made clear in the first chapter. If by the 7th Chapter we still don't know why Katness hunts and she's already volunteered as tribute, then her hunting skills is just an ass pull.

Yorth:You read until chapter 7, I don't understand how you could make the judgment that there is no reason for the MC to play the game. Should the MC conveniently think to himself 'Kevin! I swear in this life I will beat you!', or something like that to make the stakes higher? It seems a little bit disingenuous to me for you to make this kind of statement when you have only read until the character creation part.
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

Okay, if you're a lawyer and you spent your whole life as a lawyer, what will you work as when you come back in time ten years prior?

Jspindlewood:Characters should always have a reason for doing the thing that they are going to spent the majority of the novel doing. For example, in Hunger Games, Katness hunts because if she didn't she and her family will starve. That's made clear in the first chapter. If by the 7th Chapter we still don't know why Katness hunts and she's already volunteered as tribute, then her hunting skills is just an ass pull.
Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

I'll put all my money in the stock market because I know the general market trends. I'll pattern scum a bunch of things that gets invented and make millions. Fuck law school, that's just a money sink.

Yorth:Okay, if you're a lawyer and you spent your whole life as a lawyer, what will you work as when you come back in time ten years prior?
Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

The fact that he didn't even consider his options makes him a compulsive game addict. Not very interesting without real world consequences.

Yorth:Okay, if you're a lawyer and you spent your whole life as a lawyer, what will you work as when you come back in time ten years prior?
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

He did consider?

Jspindlewood:The fact that he didn't even consider his options makes him a compulsive game addict. Not very interesting without real world consequences.
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

Half of the second chapter was about what he will do in this new life. Plus, he was playing since he was 3 years old. It's not just him being a lawyer, it's him looking up to a lawyers because one of them saved his dad from prison.

Jspindlewood:The fact that he didn't even consider his options makes him a compulsive game addict. Not very interesting without real world consequences.
Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

Doesn't change the fact he is a compulsive gaming addict that does everything in the novel because he is an addict. Change gaming to "Crack" and ask yourself if that's a story that the majority of people on this site will want to read.

Yorth:Half of the second chapter was about what he will do in this new life. Plus, he was playing since he was 3 years old. It's not just him being a lawyer, it's him looking up to a lawyers because one of them saved his dad from prison.
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

Then change lawyer to crack, soldier to crack, doctor to crack, hero to crack. If someone having a passion for something disturbs you this much, then I really can't say or do much.

Jspindlewood:Doesn't change the fact he is a compulsive gaming addict that does everything in the novel because he is an addict. Change gaming to "Crack" and ask yourself if that's a story that the majority of people on this site will want to read.
Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

A lawyer is not nessisary addicted to being a lawyer. A soldier isn't nessisary a battlefield addict. But your MC is an addict and you don't seem to realize it.

Yorth:Then change lawyer to crack, soldier to crack, doctor to crack, hero to crack. If someone having a passion for something disturbs you this much, then I really can't say or do much.
Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

And you made getting his next fix the only reason for this story's existence.

Yorth:Then change lawyer to crack, soldier to crack, doctor to crack, hero to crack. If someone having a passion for something disturbs you this much, then I really can't say or do much.
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

It's one of the reasons, the other is that most of his relationships are in the virtual world. Now, I could have just said "He wanted to find his friends, his family, but for that he needed to play the game" or something of the sort. But this is just cheesy. It was implied and it is even more so when he finds his first friend from the future in game.

Jspindlewood:And you made getting his next fix the only reason for this story's existence.
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

But this came after chapter 7 and it's only going to be more obvious as time goes on. There is some stuff that you can't just tell the reader at the start of the story and be done with it, you need to show it through the actions of the MC, and that **** takes time.

Jspindlewood:And you made getting his next fix the only reason for this story's existence.
Jspindlewood
JspindlewoodLv4Jspindlewood

Nonetheless, despite this being author intent, the interpretation of most people is that the MC is a drug addict needing his next fix. You should have made his motivation obvious sooner.

Yorth:But this came after chapter 7 and it's only going to be more obvious as time goes on. There is some stuff that you can't just tell the reader at the start of the story and be done with it, you need to show it through the actions of the MC, and that **** takes time.
Yorth
YorthAuthorYorth

Okay ill take this view into consideration once I start the full edit of arc 1.